Friday, June 21, 2013

Tweeting

Mommy is tweeting...if she can figure it out. Follow her, and Bean and Goobs. She will be chronicling summer. With everyone home together. No school. And lots of together time. See if she survives. She has her doubts.

Follow me on Twitter @beanandgoobs.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

First for Everyone

Today is Bean's first day of Kindergarten. Bean is attending a small (2 classrooms per grade), Catholic elementary school. Basically, Mommy and Daddy chose this school for Bean because it would be a warm and nurturing environment with a great scholastic foundation.  Of course, that does nothing to ease Mommy's first day jitters. At 3:30 in the morning, Mommy's eyes shot open and she was unable to sleep because of the following irrational worries.

1. What if Bean has to go to the bathroom but doesn't ask. How horrible would it be for him to have an accident on his first day of school. Of course he hasn't had an accident in over 3 years, but really, it could happen. And then what if he gets lost on his way back from the bathroom, even though it is right across the hall from his classroom. Then he will be lost and surely someone will steal him.

2. What if he gets lost trying to find his classroom after Mommy drops him off. What if he never finds his classroom and he spends the day wondering the halls and then wandering outside, looking for Mommy, who has abandoned him. Of course the doors to the school remain locked at all times and there are many volunteer Moms who help the kids find their classrooms, but what if they don't see him and he gets lost and someone steals him.

3. What if he can't open the ziplock bag to get his strawberries out. Then he won't have any fruit for the day and then he won't be able to do a number 2 today and then he will be all constipated and sitting in his classroom tomorrow. Then he will have to spend more time in the bathroom and no one will notice and someone will be able to steal him.

4. Have to remember to put his name in his backpack. The school was very specific that everything needed to be labeled. If Mommy forgets, the school will think she neglectful and then they will try and take him away.

It went on like this until 6:00 am when Bean came into Mommy and Daddy's room and awoke them.

Bean: "Morning Mommy! I start school today. I'm so excited."

Mommy: (Her eyes are heavy from lack of sleep and her mind is still racing with terror as she prepares to send her first born off into the world unaccompanied and completely alone.) "I know! First day of school! Yeah! You are going to do great. " (Thinking to herself, 'can't show him my fear, can't show him my fear, can't show him my fear. Dear God I'm afraid')

Bean: "You go pack my lunch Mommy, I'm going to have breakfast with Daddy. Don't forget my strawberries"

Mommy: (Turns her back so Bean won't see her face as she remembers that somehow last night in her mind she decided that packing strawberries for Bean's lunch would result in him being stolen away from her) "Right, strawberries for lunch and grapes for snack."

Bean: "And don't forget a cheesestick."

Mommy: (Completely panicking now because she isn't sure if Bean is able to open a cheesestick wrapper himself) "Yep, one cheesestick, coming up."

By 6:30 in the morning, Mommy was a complete emotional basket case inside her head. When Bean was finally dropped off, he was confident and cheerful. Mommy's waved and smiled and said goodbye like it was just another day. Once she pulled out of the parking lot, the tears started and it only took 45 minutes for them to stop. When did he get so big? Good luck Bean. Happy first day of school.




Monday, September 3, 2012

Mop of Destruction

Mommy always feels particularly ambitious on Mondays. As the week progresses, she feels less and less capable of doing anything other than keeping the children alive, but on Monday's she feels as if she is a completely contented, domesticated and capable mother/wife/cook/housekeeper etc. Sunday night, after a weekend with Daddy home for two days and the children playing contentedly and happily, Mommy makes her list for the week. Things she is going to do, meals she is going to cook, activities she is going to do with Bean and Goobs. On Sunday nights, Mommy feels as if she really has her shit together and she can accomplish just about anything.

It's Monday morning. Daddy has left for work.  The previous night, Mommy decided that today, Magical Monday, she would mop the kitchen floor,vacuum  the whole house and that she just might dust because she is Mommy and it is Monday and on Monday anything is possible.

Mommy sets Bean and Goobs up in the family room with Ernie and closes the gate to keep everyone out of the kitchen while she mops.

Mommy: "Kay guys, I'm going to vacuum and then mop. Everyone stay out here till I finish so the floor will dry."

Bean and Goobs: (With sweet and angelic voices) "Ok Mommy."

Mommy retrieves the bucket and the mop from the basement. She plugs in the vacuum and starts vacuuming.

Bean opens the gate to get something from upstairs. Ernie escapes and begins attacking the vacuum. No problem. It's Monday. Mommy simply puts Ernie back in the family closes the gate again. Resumes vacuuming.

Bean opens the gate again to go back into the family room. Ernie escapes again. Mommy puts Ernie outside. That solves that problem. Feeling proud of herself Mommy resumes vacuuming, a mere 15 minutes after starting.


Goobs: (Yelling over the vacuum) "Mommy! A toot is coming! A toot is coming!"

Mommy stops vacuuming. Retrieves Goobs from the family room, a little irritated at how long just the vacuuming part of this noble endeavor is taking, but still feeling like a million bucks because her newly potty trained Goobs is proudly pronouncing when he has to use the bathroom. Mommy helps Goobs with his toot. Ten minutes later, Mommy starts vacuuming again.

This goes on for another 30 minutes with stops for Bean to use the bathroom, both Bean and Goobs insisting that they need milk or they will surely die of thirst, another show to be put on, and finally Ernie has been outside for 30 minutes now and is starting to bark so Mommy has to let him back in. After only 50 minutes from when she started, Mommy has the kitchen vacuumed.

She will not be deterred. It is Monday. She must have something to show for her day. She prepares her mopping gear and locks everyone back in the family room.

Mommy: (Admittedly starting to feel just a little bit irritated) "Alright. I am going to mop. This will take 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes. Please, for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, let me just mop. Please. 10 minutes. Don't hit each other, don't bite each other, don't bother the dog and don't come out of the family room. Please."

Bean and Goobs: "OK Mommy."

Bean: "Come on Goobs, let's play bad guys."

Bean and Goobs go off to the far corner of the family room and start pretending to get the ever illusive bad guys.

Mommy starts mopping the floor. She is half way through when she hears the family room gate open and the little pitter patter of feet.

Bean: (In a whisper) "Goobs! I found the bad guy."

Goobs runs out to the kitchen, grabs onto Mommy's hand, forcing the mop to the ground, with Bean following behind brandishing his play sword.

Bean: "Evil Mommy! Get the Evil Mommy! She can't escape us!"

Goobs then proceeds to handcuff Mommy with the play handcuffs while Bean grabs Mommy's other hand and hold it behind her back.  Mommy is so surprised by this attack they actually manage to get one hand cuffed and the other behind her back.

Mommy: "What the heck! I'm trying to Mop!"

Goobs: "Evil Mommy and her Mop of Destruction."

Mommy just stares at the two of them and decides to call it a day. Half of the floor was mopped. That's better than none, right?

And this is why, at any given moment, if you decided to visit the home of Bean and Goobs, it will be a complete mess. But really, you must give Mommy points for trying.




Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Imaginary Family

Mommy, Bean and Goobs are riding in the car on the way home from the grocery store.

Bean: "Hey Goobs, when we get home let's play with John-Gee."

Mommy: "Who is John-Gee?"

Goobs: "He's my friend."

Mommy: (How cute, Goobs has an imaginary friend. Mommy loves her little creative boy) "Oh really. You have a friend named John-Gee?"

Goobs: "Yep, he lives in the wall."

Mommy: (Still cute, but a little creepy) "Your friend lives in the wall. How does he fit there?"

Goobs: "He's really, really tinsy. He lives there with this family."

Mommy: "His family huh? Who is his family?"

Goobs: "He has a brother named pizza."

Mommy: (Really cute, he named the brother after his favorite food. )"Oh, does he have a Mommy and a Daddy?"

Goobs: (Not one to give away too much information.) "Yep."

Mommy: "Kinda sounds like your family. What are John-Gee's  Mommy and Daddy's names?"

Goobs: "His Daddy is named Pew-Chi."

Mommy: "Wow, that's a cool name. Kinda sounds like a Jedi knight or something. What's his Mommy's name?

Goobs: (Mommy is expecting something cool here. The older brother was named after Goobs's favorite food and the Daddy's name sounds like some cool Jedi knight, she waits with baited breath for Goobs to reveal the name of this mother of his imaginary friend) "Her name is Poop-Box."

Mommy: "What!"

Goobs: (Bean is laughing in the back seat, Mommy glares at him. Goobs nods his head affirming his decision.) "Yep, her name is Poop-Box."

Mommy: "So you are saying that the mother of this imaginary family, which coincidentally is exactly the same as your family, this woman that no doubt feeds, bathes, soothes, and loves your friend John-Gee is named Poop-Box? That's the best you could do? Really?"

Goobs: "Yep. Poop-Box."

And there you have it. Poop-Box. Nice.

Goobs. Looks sweet doesn't he?

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Han Solo

Mommy has taken to purchasing some fancy Italian soda's for herself. They are about $1.00 a piece and she has made it known that they are not for general consumption. She is having one with dinner.

Bean: "Mommy, can I try that soda."

Mommy: "No you can't. First of all you aren't allowed to have soda and second of all this is my special soda."

Bean: "But it doesn't have caffeine 'cuz its' not brown. Can't I have some."

Mommy: "No, you may not. It is mine."

Bean: "Well, if I use the force I can move the glass towards me and taste it and you will never know."

Mommy: "No, you may not use the force or any Jedi mind tricks to get me to give you this soda. It's mine. There are very few things that are mine and this is one of them."

Bean: "I bet you would let me try it if I was Yoda."

Mommy: "No I wouldn't. I wouldn't let Yoda or Luke or Anakin or any other Jedi try it. Like I said, it's mine."

Daddy looks up from his dinner and smirks. He has wisely remained silent during this exchange.

Daddy: (In a very winky voice)" I bet you would let Han Solo try some."

Mommy: (Smirks herself) "Well maybe I would let Han Solo have some."

Bean: "Yeah, you would because Hon Solo uses a blaster and blasters are better than the force."

Mommy: " Yeah, something like that."

Bean channeling his inner Yoda



Saturday, July 28, 2012

Potty Training

Goobs is potty training. Mommy is up to her eyeballs in human excrament. Potty training is decidedly Mommy's least favorite part of parenting.

Mommy is sitting at her desk in the kitchen. She hears Goobs attempting to sneak up on her in the kitchen. He rounds the corner, completely naked.

Goobs: (Puts his hand to his mouth and in a whisper) "Mommy, I did a toot."

Mommy: "Oh no! Goobs where did you do the toot?"

Goobs: "On the potty!" And from behind his back he pulls out the training potty bowl and proudly sticks in in Mommy's face. "See! I did it on the potty!"

Mommy: (Holding her breath because she has a bowl of poop being held in her face) "That's great Goobs! Awesome! Now let's flush it and wipe up."

Goobs: "But look at it Mommy! Isn't is great!"

Mommy: (Reluctantly glances down and sees his giant, full man sized poop in the little training potty bowl and almost loses her breakfast.) "Yes, Goobs, it's wonderful. Great job. Now can we please flush it. It's stinky."

Who ever said motherhood wasn't glamorous.


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

New House

The Bean and Goobs gang have moved. Originally the plan was to move at the end of May, but some events occurred, as they often do when buying and selling a house, and the move got moved up by three weeks. So on Wednesday, Mommy found out that they had to move into the new house by Sunday. Did she panic? A little. Did she lose a significant amount of sleep trying to wrap her head around how it was all going to happen? Yes, she did. Thankfully, her in-laws responded to the call of distress and come to help with the move. They all managed to get it done.

Sunday evening, while Daddy was finishing up at the old house, Mommy fed Bean and Goobs a  nutritious meal of pizza and milk.

Mommy: "Well guys, this is our first official meal at the new house."

Goobs: "I like this house. Can we go home now?"

Mommy: "This is our home. We moved here. This is where we are going to live now."

Goobs: "No Mommy, I want to go to our reeeeeeeal home."

Mommy: (This is not going well) "This is it honey. Daddy is cleaning up at the old house and this is where we are going to live now."

Goobs thinks about this, shrugs his shoulders and continues eating his pizza.

Mommy looks over at Bean. His lip is quivering. He has also absorbed what Mommy said. Unfortunately for Mommy Bean has never just shrugged his shoulder and moved on. He begins to cry.

Mommy: "Oh honey, are you sad?"

Bean: "Yes Mommy, I'm going to miss our house. I loved that house."

Mommy: "I know honey, but we had to move to a new house in the city for Daddy's job. Don't worry. We are still close to all your friends. You are still going to the same preschool. It will be OK."

Bean: "But I didn't even get to say goodbye to the other house."

Mommy: "OK, how about we finish up dinner and then we will go over to the old house and say goodbye"

Goobs: "Yeah! We can go home!"

So they finish dinner. They head over to the old house. Goobs "helps" Daddy finishing loading the outside toys into the van by climbing in the van and taking his things out and putting them back in the garage.

Goobs: "I want to keep these things Daddy. Don't take them away."

Mommy leaves Daddy with Goobs to explain to him once again the concept of moving. She goes with Bean inside to say a proper goodbye.

Bean: Walks into the kitchen, his shoulders fall and he hangs his head. "Goodbye kitchen."

He makes his way through the house growing sadder with each room.

Bean: "Bye family room. I was nice knowin' ya. Bye dining room. Thanks for the meals. Bye living room. "

He makes his way upstairs.

Bean: "Bye bathroom. I did lots of toots and tinkles in here. Bye Mommy and Daddy's room. Bye Goobs' room. Bye my room."

And at this point the water works begin. In a moment of desperation, Mommy decides that bribery, the only tried and true parenting technique that has ever been full proof, will be perfect for this situation.

Mommy: "How about you go to Target with me tomorrow Bean because I have to get some things for the house. Maybe, just maybe, we can find a new toy there that might make the new house feel like home."

The tears stop immediately. Bean thinks long and hard.

Bean: "OK, I'm pretty sure that the new house needs a Lego Hero Factory. "

Mommy: Feeling very pleased that her little ploy worked, but again a little worried that her son's loyalties are so easily bought.  "Sure. I bet the new house would love that."

Bean: Takes Mommy's hand and starts to walk downstairs and outside "And then anytime I start to feel sad about the old house, we can just go to Target and buy a toy."

Mommy: "Um, no that's not quite how this works. One toy. One time. That's it. But nice try milking it."


Saturday, March 24, 2012

Daddy's Guest Post 2

Day 1. Got Bean dropped off at school on time, and with everything he needed to have with him. Got everybody dressed and breakfasted. Even got some coffee. Feeling pretty good. While Bean is in school, Daddy and Goobs go to the grocery store. Goobs is pretty good to grocery shop with. if you lean down low over the cart, he will throw his long spidery arms around your neck and say things like "I love you Daddy, you're a nice Daddy, Daddy."

But, being Goobs, he's not completely above a little mischief. While weeling him through the produce section, (for, like, the fourth time, because Daddy goes through shopping lists in order, rather than reading through the list to get all the things in one area at one time, because Daddy doesn't know the store layout that well), Goobs reaches out a long spidery arm, and knocks a little carton of cherry tomatoes off the shelf. Wow, those things really roll well. Daddy starts to pick them up, and a grumpy looking produce clerk comes over and helps, which makes Daddy feel the need to apologize and lecture.

Daddy: (to Clerk) I'm, sorry, I'm sorry (to Goobs) Goobs, look at this mess, look what you did. Oh Goobs, that is not nice. Goobs that is naughty. That is bad Goobs.

Goobs: Soooorry Daaady. Promise I won't spill the tomatoes again.

So we finish cleaning up, and Daddy heads over to get some grapes. Daddy picks up a bag of grapes, and it is slightly unbalanced in his hand, and a big clump, together with a whole bunch of loose grapes fall out of the bag onto the floor. Wow, those things really roll well. So Daddy starts to clean those up. Luckily the clerk doesn't come this time.

Goobs: Hey Daddy, you spilled those grapes.

Daddy: Yes, I spilled the grapes.

Goobs: Hey Daddy, that's not nice. That's naughty Daddy. (Then, picking up the volume a little bit, craning his neck looking for a Clerk): Hey, Daddy spilled the grapes! Daddy spilled the grapes!

Yeah.

Daddy's Guest Post

So apparently I agreed to guest post. And obviously I agree to things too easily. So here goes...

Daddy got a bad feeling on Mommy's last day here, when Daddy decided to put a removeable shelf from Goobs's play kitchen in the dishwasher. So Goobs got a play kitchen for Christmas. Goobs also likes apple juice juice boxes. Goobs loves apple juice, but he really loves it in a juice box, because then he can take out the straw, turn it upside down, and squeeze the juice all over his play kitchen. So Goobs's play kitchen is often sticky. So Daddy thought, instead of wiping this shelf off again, why not just throw it in the dishwasher? It's gotta be dishwasher safe right? After all it's the shelf to his play dishwasher. So this happened:



And then we didn't manage to get it out of sight in time.

Goobs: Hey, what happened to my shelf!?

Daddy: Daddy accidentally put it in the dishwasher.

Goobs: You did that to my shelf Daddy?

Daddy: Yes. It was an accident.

Goobs: That's not nice. Daddy, that's not nice.

Oh, I am so screwed.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Mommy's Trip

Mommy is taking a trip. In three days, Mommy leaves for a 12 day trip to Europe. First she will spend two blissful, peaceful, utterly British days in London, which Mommy is suspecting is  going to be her favorite city of all time. Then she will travel to Bath where she will meet her sister Beth, brother-in-law Jess, and her super-duper cute nephew Wills. They will spend three days in Bath, then drive to Dover where they will say goodbye to the UK and head to Beth and Jess's home in Heidelberg, Germany. Mommy will spend the remainder of her 12 days there in Germany visiting with her sister and squeezing her nephew. Daddy is taking those days off of work and will be home with the boys. Alone.

It is lunch time and Mommy and Daddy are discussing some details about her being gone.

Bean: "I'm so excited that I get you for 12 days Daddy. I get you all to myself. Aren't you excited. You get us for 12 days!"

Mommy: (Grinning from ear to ear because she is thinking that is is 12 days of complete freedom for her.) "He is excited. In fact Bean, just last night he was saying that he can't wait."

Daddy: (Gives Mommy a look. Mommy suspects he is beginning to wonder what it was that he agreed to now that the trip is just days away.) "Honestly Bean, I'm not sure if I am excited or scared. Maybe a little of both."

Goobs: "I promise to be good Daddy."

Mommy: (Sweet mischievous Goobs. Mommy grabs his hand and gives his cheek a little squeeze) "No, remember Goobs. I said that you have to be good, but not too good. Just be your usual self."

Goobs: "I will be just regular Goobs."

Mommy: "Yeah, just be regular Goobs. Just a little bit bad to keep Daddy on his toes." (Mommy winks at Daddy. He isn't smiling about it quite as much as he was a few weeks ago when Mommy made the same joke.)

Bean: "Mommy, we are going to be having so much fun we won't even miss you. Isn't that great!" (Bean is very, very excited about having Daddy home for 12 days.)

Daddy: "Well, I have a feeling that we are going to miss her. More than I first suspected."

Mommy: "Too late. Everything is bought and paid for. I'm going. I will try to miss you guys but I can't make any promises. I might just forget all about you while I drink tea, eat scones and think my thoughts - uninterrupted!"

Daddy: (Now picturing Mommy sitting in a London tea room, drinking tea, eating scones, reading a book by herself with no one climbing on her, asking her to wipe their bottoms, whining for more milk or seconds on dinner, no snotty noses to wipe with her napkin and being able to use real dishes from which she will eat real food instead of sloppy joe's off of tupperware plates. Daddy gets a very serious look on his face.)  "Just promise to come home."

Mommy: "I promise."

Daddy has agreed to guest post while Mommy is in Europe. Check back to see how things are going.



Sunday, March 4, 2012

Italians?

Bean has been doing this new thing. At any given moment he will take his pants off, put them on his head and then grab a comb and hold it on his upper lips like it is a mustache.

Bean: "See Mommy, I'm and Italian and I wear my pants on my head."

Mommy has no explanation for this bizarre behavior.


Sunday, February 19, 2012

General Mommy

Saturday afternoon. Mommy is cleaning dishes. Daddy is playing with the boys in the family room.

Bean: (Puts his fingers in his mouth and pretends to whistle) "Daddy! Didn't you hear me? I said wooo wooo" (Again puts his fingers in his mouth and pretends to whistle.)

Daddy: "Yeah, I heard you. Great whistle."

Bean: "Daddy, when I whistle like that you are supposed to come to me right away."

Daddy: "Um, I think you must have mistaken me for Ernie. I'm not a dog."

Bean: "Daddy, I know you aren't a dog. You are my Daddy and you are suppose to come here  when I whistle."

Mommy is listening to this conversation. She peaks around the corner and catches Daddy's eye. They both look at each other wondering where Bean got this notion.

Daddy: "Um, I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to come running when you whistle."

Bean: "Yes you are Daddy. You are suppose to come to me right away and then you are suppose to go like this. (Bean then shows Daddy how he should salute.)

Daddy: "Well, I know I'm definitely not supposed to salute you. It's supposed to be the other way around. Besides, I only have one person in this house that I have to answer and salute to. Her name is Mommy."


Sunday, February 5, 2012

The Pains of Motherhood

It's Friday. Mommy is feeling especially capable today and decided that not only is she going to take both children to the grocery store, but she is going to stop at the library to pick up a book she has on hold and return a few items. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes and Mommy is very confident in herself as a mother and her children, who were perfect angels at the grocery store and most certainly be at the library as well.

They are at the library check out counter. Bean has been a little antsy but has for the most part stayed still. Goobs is walking around Mommy in circles muttering to himself. Mommy is just finishing up and is getting her library card from the the librarian when Goobs takes off. Running. Full speed.

Goobs: (Screaming at the top of this lungs) I'm running Mommy! I'm Running! Run! Run! Run!

He dashes behind a book case. Bean takes off after him.

Bean: (Also screaming at the top of this lungs) "Goobs is on the rampage. Look out everyone. Goobs is on the rampage. Ahhhhh!"

Clearly they are having great fun. Hilarious.

Everyone is watching Mommy as if to say "how could you take such monsters in public". The 4 librarians, the 8 other people waiting in line and the tables full of computer users all within view of the front desk. Mommy takes off in a mad dash to grab the spirited Goobs. As she is taking off, she trips, twists her ankle and falls flat on her face. Right there in front of everyone who are still glaring because while Mommy is laying on the floor of the library in obvious pain, her children are still running through the library screaming "Run" and "Goobs is on the rampage."

Mommy: (In a voice that is NOT appropriate for the library, but at this point does it really matter,) "Bean! Get over here right now!"

Bean: (Bean knows the tone and comes over to Mommy) "Why are you sitting on the floor Mommy?"

Mommy: (Reminds herself that there are at least 20 people watching her at the moment, and even though every single one of those 20 spectators thinks each child deserves to be laying on the floor there along side their mother, she can't and won't beat them. No matter how badly she wants to. No matter how badly her ankle hurts. No matter how close she is to tears. No matter how completely and utterly humiliated she is. She calmly and quietly replies) "I fell. Now go get your brother and get over here."

Goobs comes over and looks at Mommy. He knows. He knows by the look on Mommy's face and he is starting to look a little remorseful.

Mommy gets up off the floor.  Picks up her purse and all the things that have fallen out of it, grabs Bean's hand, grabs Goobs' hand and with her head held high, walks past the 20+ people who have just witnessed Mommy's worst day of motherhood.


Bean: "Mommy. I know you are mad about something. I'm not sure what it is but I just want you to know it isn't my fault. I was being good. Right?  I was being good right? Wasn't I being good?"

Goobs: (Screaming and crying) "I want to run Mommy! No I don't want to leave I want to run!"


Somehow neither child understands that Mommy just suffered a physical injury from being a mother to these two children. She prepared herself for the mental sacrifices, but a busted ankle is just a little over the top, even for this mother.


Mommy gets Mayhem and Destruction buckled into their seats. She opens her door, sits in her seat and lets the flood gates open. 15 minutes, two very puffy eyes and an ankle that has swollen to three times it's normal size later, they are on their way home from their outing which Mommy was so certain was going to be smooth, easy and drama free.

This is Mommy's ankle.






















A these are the two little angles that did it.






















Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Married Life

It's Saturday afternoon. Goobs is upstairs taking his nap. Mommy is sitting in the living room reading a book. Daddy and Bean are at the kitchen table playing with Legos.

Bean: "Daddy, do you know what Daddy?"

Daddy: "What Bean?"

Bean: "When I grow up the only person I want to marry is Mommy."

Daddy: "Well, you can't marry Mommy."

Bean: "Why not, I love her."

Daddy: "Well she's your Mommy. You can't marry your Mommy. And besides, she is already married to me."

Bean: (Thinks for a while, fiddles with some Legos) "Ok, well I can marry someone else but I think that we will still live here with Mommy."

Bean comes running over to Mommy to inform her of his life plan.

Bean: (Somehow Bean has equated 16 with full adulthood and being allowed to do everything he wants to do) "Mommy, I wanted to marry you but since I can't, when I turn 16, I will marry someone else but we will just live here with you."

Mommy: "Um, well, you will always be welcome in our house. Your wife might not be all that into living with your parents though. We are pretty great, but sometimes girls get these crazy notions of wanting their own house and stuff."

Bean: (Thinks a little while longer.) "Well I won't marry her unless she lets us live here. And besides, when I come and get in bed with you at night, she can come too and then she will feel like part of the family."

Mommy: "Hmmm, um, yeah. That might be a little weird Bean. Hopefully, by then you will be sleeping in your own bed at least, even if you do still live here."

Bean: "No, I'm always going to want to sleep with you."

Mommy: "Well, that's ok for now. How about we just worry about that when you are older."

Bean: "OK, but I'm not going to change my mind. When I'm 16 I'm going to watch Star Wars and Transformers and sleep in bed with you. It's going to be great."