Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Confessions

Saturday. Mommy has just returned from running errands and getting a haircut. Daddy is looking a little frazzled. Nap time did not go very well. There have been multiple tinkle accidents and the house is pretty much destroyed.

Daddy: (looks at Mommy when she comes in. He begins talking about Bean.) "I'm tired. He is nuts. He has sort of just been going crazy all afternoon. It's like the second I turn my back, he is into something. Three is a crazy age."

Mommy: (She puts her smug face on. Gets the "see how difficult my life is...I so have this all figured out...I can do this job so much better than you can tone in her voice) "Well, you have to be very diligent with him. If his energy isn't being directed by you he will get into something. Can't check email. Can't talk on the phone. Can't turn you back. It's exhausting, isn't it."

Daddy: (Feeling complete defeated. Can't say anything about the patronizing tone in her voice because he realizes that the 3-year-old got the better of him and ultimately she is right.) "I thought I was going to lose it when I went to look at my computer for two seconds and I turn around and he has smeared vaseline all over the wall."

Mommy: (Smirks, and nods her head) "Yep, gotta watch him closely."

A few hours pass. Daddy goes down to do the laundry. Mommy is in the family room with the boys. Daddy come back upstairs. Looks at the wall where the vaseline was smeared earlier.

Daddy: "Ugh, I thought I got it all off. There is still some on there. "

Daddy washes the vaseline off of the wall. Evening comes. Boys are in bed. Mommy crawls into bed, Daddy quickly follows. Mommy lays there awake for a little while.

Mommy: (Whispers) "Are you awake?"

Daddy: (groggy. Clearly he was half asleep) Hmmmm? What?

Mommy: "So remembrr how you came up from doing the laundry today and there was still vaseline on the wall?"

Daddy: (says with a suspicious voice) "Yeah."

Mommy: "Well, that may not have been from when he did it with you. It may have happened while I was watching them while you were doing laundry."

Daddy: (the smirk on his face can practically be heard in the darkness) "Oh really. I remember this very wise mother telling me once that you have to be diligent. Can't turn your back on them for one second. What were you doing when he did that?"

Mommy: (hates eating crow, but at least she fessed up) "Checking my email."

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

All Out of Love

Dinnertime. Mommy and Bean are chatting.

Bean: "Mommy, I think Aunt Rachel is all out of love."

Mommy: (Worried that he has overheard her talking about her older sister's quest to find true love) "What do you mean? She has lots of love. People don't run out of love."

Bean: "No Mommy. I think I need to go to Washington D.C. and give her some love."

Mommy: (Understanding what he now means. Mommy often asks for some "love" when she wants a hug or kiss) "Oh that's nice of you to worry honey. Mommom and Poppop are visiting her right now. They can give her some love so she won't run out."

Bean: "No Mommy. I need to give her the love. Mommom and Poppop's love is old love. My love is special little boy love. "

Mommy: (Trying not to laugh because she knows that her 3-year-old is being very, very serious and he does not like it when Mommy laughs when he is being serious.) "Well, the next time she comes home, you can give her lots and lots of love. Enough to tide her over until her next visit."

Bean: "Mommy, I can't give you any more hugs or kisses. I need to save them for Aunt Rachel."

Mommy: (sighs. how stinkin' sweet is this kid.) "But where will I get my hugs and kisses?"

Bean: "You can get them from Charlie. His kisses are slobbery. They will be perfect."

Monday, March 29, 2010

Mommy's Fault

Mommy, Bean, and Goobs are at the table painting with watercolors. There are 3 brushes, a set of watercolor paint, a watercolor paper tablet and a cup of water. Everyone is content. Mommy steps away for a moment to answer the phone. She gets distracted.

Bean: (He is talking to himself) "Then the black goes on to make a chimney...then some blue...red.

Mommy: (In the kitchen, only 10 feet away, says to Bean) "Everything ok? You good over there?"

Bean: "Oh sure, sure Mommy. I'm good."

Mommy finishes up her phone conversation. Goes back over to table. Gasps.

Mommy: (The table has been painted. The cup of water has been spilled on the paper tablet and there are gobs of paint on Bean's shirt. Mommy isn't surprised and says calmly) "What did you do? What is going on here? There is paint everywhere."

Bean: "I painted the table Mommy."

Mommy: "Yes, I can see that. You are supposed to paint on the paper."

Bean: "Mommy, you should have been watching me. You shouldn't have left. When you don't watch me sometimes I do bad things. I just can't help myself."

Mommy: "Well, I can't argue with that."

Sunday, March 28, 2010

March Madness

Mommy and Bean are in the living room watching March Madness. Bean is wearing his Duke t-shirt (of course).

Mommy: "Ok Bean, who do we want to win?"

Bean: "White"

Mommy: "No honey. The answer to that question is always 'Duke', or 'Go Duke'."

Bean: "Go Duke!"

Mommy: "Right, now see how they shoot that ball. What we want to happen is we want Duke to get more balls in the basket than the other team. Then they win. Oh look, Yes! They got one!"

Bean: (enthusiastically, mimicking how Mommy said it and throwing his hands up in the air) "Yes!"

Mommy: "Now they are taking a time out. Regrouping. Discussing their next play."

Bean: "Is it because they were pushing Mommy?"

Mommy: (Not sure what Bean means, then it occurs to her) "Oh, no honey. It's a different kind of time out. It's more like a break, not a punishment. When they push another player, that is called a foul."

Bean: "Mommy, sometimes I foul Goobs."

Mommy: "I know. You shouldn't push him though, remember."

Bean: (He is looking confused and trying to figure out the whole foul, time out, punishment thing.) "I get a time out when I foul. What do they get."

Mommy: "Well, when they foul the other teams either gets the ball or gets to take an extra shot."

Bean: "Mommy, next time I foul Goobs, he can just take an extra shot, kay."

Mommy: Nice try peanut. On this team though, we get time outs. Sorry.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Me

Mommy, Bean, Goobs are at the library in the toddler playroom. Mommy is wearing her black sweatpants, has no makeup on but has, for the record, washed her hair on this particular morning. Bean is playing with some trucks. Goobs is sitting on Mommy's lap watching Bean play. There are 2 other mothers there in the play room with at least two children of their own.

Three women enter. All are dressed. Between the three of them there are 2 sweater sets, three pairs of fashionable, definitely not to be mistaken as maternity jeans, three shades of perfectly applied lipstick and three very, very, very, cute pair of the most fashionable ballet flats Mommy has seen in a very long time. These woman are not just dressed, they are dressed up. Their children come in, equally well dressed.

Woman 1: (speaking to Woman 2 and 3) "Oh thank you so much for coming. Isn't this place great. I just heard about it. We should get something like this at our library."

Mommy quickly realizes that they are from the neighboring town, which is a bit more well-to-do than the one she lives in. Mommy takes a quick look at herself. She looks at the other mothers that were here before The Beautiful Three arrived. They are also in sweatpants. One has an infant in her arms, the other has a 1 year old crawling on her. Mommy nods to them. They nod back. There seems to be mutual understanding between them. The Beautiful Three look around the now crowded room. They are looking for a place to sit. They look at Mommy. She can see it. There is pity in their eyes.

Mommy: (screaming to herself at the top of her lungs in her head and admittedly feeling a little bad about the sweatpants) "Well, I haven't figured it out yet. I am working on it. Some day. I promise. Someday I will figure out how to leave the house with real clothes on, makeup and clean hair, while remembering to bring all of my children with me."

Mommy: (looks at Bean)"Time to go sweetie. It's almost lunch time."

Mommy stands up tp leave. Goobs is still in her arms. She hears a noise coming out of Goobs and then before she knows it, Goobs is throwing up, from her standing position, and the vomit lands in the toy grocery cart of one of The Beautiful Three's children and splatters all oveer the sides of the cart. Mommy hears an understanding giggle from the two mothers in sweatpants. Mommy sees the look of horror in the eyes of The Beautiful Three and realizes that this is an entirely different breed of mother if she is horrified by baby vomit.

Mommy whips out a baby wipe from the packet she keeps in her purse, cleans up the vomit lickity split and pats the little cart pusher on the head.

Mommy: "There you go. No harm done."

Mommy isn't sure why these events have made her feel this way, but despite the sweatpants, dark circles under her eyes, serious lack of makeup and vomiting baby, she knows she is doing a stellar job and her kids are pretty darn lucky to have her.


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Trip

Boys are in bed, dishes are done, trash is taken out. Mommy and Daddy are sitting quietly in the family room. Mommy chooses this quiet, tranquil moment to bring up her request.

Mommy: "So, my sisters and my parents all want to pitch in to send me to that writer's conference I was telling you about for my birthday. What do you think?"

Daddy: "That's great. Where is it?"

Mommy: "Ohio. It would be 4 days, 3 nights."

Daddy: (with a slight hesitation in his voice, realizing that 3 nights alone with the kids might become a reality) "Oh. Wow!"

Mommy: "So, what do you think? Do you mind taking care of them?"

Daddy: (He doubts that he can actually say no and says rather flippantly) "Sure. I can take a day off. You'll love it. You deserve a break. That's a great birthday present."

Mommy: (She gets her serious face on. She doesn't think he quite realizes what he is saying yes to and wants complete and full disclosure. His experience with taking care of the boys by himself is limited to 1/2 days and an occasional bedtime. He is looking at 4 straight days and 3 nights with a 3-year-old and an 8-month-old. Meals, baths, naps, cleaning. Alone.) "Are you sure? This is kind of a lot to ask. If you feel like it might be too much that is ok. I would totally understand. I would be nervous about it all by myself to. Sun up till sun down. Middle of the night. It's all you. I'm only going to ask this one time. This is your chance to say no because once you say yes officially, I'm signing up, paying the deposit and there are no take backs. I mean it. I am out of here if you say yes."

Daddy: (The fear in his eyes can be seen from across the room. He begins recalling all those days he has come home to a Mommy in tears and wonders if there was something more than hormones behind them. He begins to doubt himself and wonders if he can do it. He remembers his first day in court and his fear of standing in front of the judge - opposing council, judge, the sound of the gavel coming down. He suspects that these are nothing in comparison to a rambunctious 3-year-old and a newly mobile 8-month-old. Perhaps he has underestimated the difficulty of her job. He looks at his wife. He notices the wrinkles that seemed to have popped up over night around her eyes. She looks older. She looks tired. He takes a deep breath) "Yes, I'm sure. Go. Have fun. It will be good for you."

Mommy: (hugs him. kisses him. snickers.) "Thanks. I love you. Remember, no take backs."

Carrots

Dinner time. Mommy, Daddy, Bean, Goobs, Mommom and Poppop are sitting around the table having Sunday dinner.

Mommy: "Tommy, if you want any desert you have to eat all of those carrots."

Bean: "Oh but Mommy, I don't like carrots."

Mommy: "Yes you do. Just eat them up. Quick, quick before the desert is all gone."

Bean: "Oh but Mommy, listen." (puts his ear to the plate) "Can't you hear them? The carrots are saying 'No! I don't want Tommy to eat me.'"

Mommy: (trying very hard to contain her laughter. Looks at Mommom who is laughing, quitely to herself) "Well, that is too bad for those carrots because I know how much you like desert and unless you eat every last one you aren't getting any."

Bean eats the carrots. Mommy dishes his ice cream and places the bowl in front of him.

Bean: (puts his ear to the bowl) "Listen Mommy. Now the ice cream is saying "I want Tommy to eat me."

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Grumpy Mommy

Mommy, Daddy, Bean and Goobs are all recovering from a VERY long night. Bean is in a new phase of wanting to sleep with Mommy and Daddy. Mommy allowed it one night (big mistake) and last night was the night of reckoning. It only took 2 hours of Bean screaming to get everyone back to sleep. Surprisingly, everyone woke up relatively happy. It is now lunch time. They are sitting at the table. Mommy is feeding Goobs. Bean has finished his lunch and is playing with the leftovers.

Bean: (speaking as the leftover roll) "Now, you all need to go to bed right now. We need a good night sleep. If you don't go to sleep I will be grumpy. You don't want me to be grumpy do you?"

Mommy: "Who are you talking to?"

Bean: "My roll and oranges"

Mommy: "Oh, what are they playing."

Bean: "Grumpy Mommy."

Mommy: "What! What is Grumpy Mommy?"

Bean: "The roll is the mommy and the oranges are the babies. Baby Charlie, Baby Riley, Baby Chace."

Mommy: "Oh really. There wouldn't happen to be any Bean's in that group of oranges would there?"

Bean: (sheepishly) "Maybe"

Mommy goes back to feeding Goobs. Bean continues playing.

Bean: (again, speaking as the Mommy roll to the baby oranges) "Remember how grumpy I am when I don't get any sleep. Remember how I cry all day long. Now, you need to go to sleep in your own beds so that we aren't all grumpy all day long."

Mommy: "Is that really what Grumpy Mommy sounds like."

Bean: "Yes Mommy. But I love you Mommy."

Mommy: (sighs, hoping that somehow, someday her children will remember her as more than Grumpy Mommy) "Oh Bean, I love you to."

Friday, March 19, 2010

Drunks

Mommy and Bean are driving in the van. It is St. Partick's Day and there is a line of police cars on the other side of the road in what appears to be a sobriety check point.

Mommy: (outloud to herself) "Looks like they are going to catch a lot of drunk drivers today."

Bean: "What drivers Mommy?"

Mommy: (wondering if its is bad for a 3 year old to know about drunks) "Drunk drivers honey."

Bean: "What kind of drivers Mommy?"

Mommy: (wondering why she doesn't think before she says things outloud to her 3 year old, and with this one he won't let it rest until she has explained and he understands) "Well, there are these special drinks that only adults are allowed to have, and they make you kind of sleepy, so you aren't suppose to drive a car after you have one. The police are stopping people to see if they have had one of those drinks."

Bean: "Like milk Mommy?"

Mommy: "Oh no. Drinks like juice and milk and water are ok to drink before you drive. Just these special drinks that only adults are allowed to have aren't ok to have and drive."

Bean: (with a little worry in his voice) "Oh"

Mommy: (knows her child well enough to know that he is now thinking about what Mommy and Daddy drink and if they have ever had anything other than milk or juice or water before driving) "Mommy doesn't really drink those drinks because I am sleepy enough. Daddy only has one once in a while and only on a friday night."

Bean: "Ohhhhhh." (The tone in his voice indicates that the lightbulb has gone off) "That's why you never let Daddy drive your van!"

Thursday, March 18, 2010

play date

One Wednesday morning playdate. Two 3 year olds. One doll house. A refusal to share. A push for not sharing. One step where two 3 year olds sit, getting a time out, together. Two sadistic mothers that take a picture to remember the moment.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Rest

Bean and Goobs are both asleep. Mommy and Daddy are downstairs. Bean starts to cry. Mommy goes upstairs to see what is the problem knowing that Daddy sometimes gets talked into another book or some other nonsense. She puts her game face on.

Mommy: (enters Beans room) "What's the matter honey?"

Bean: (Bean, talking though sobs) "Oh Mommy. I just want to sleep with you in your bed Mommy."

Mommy: (Sits next to Bean on his bed.) "Oh, that's probably not a good idea babe. Why don't you stay here in your bed and sleep."

Bean: (with bottom lip quivering) "Oh please Mommy."

The lip quiver has done her in.  She thinks back to her own childhood when she was scared at night and wished she had the nerve to get out of bed and go in with her parents but was afraid of the snakes that she was sure were covering the floor of her bedroom. She has a vision of Bean, age 18, driving off to college. She is waving goodbye and thinking to herself "Oh how I will miss him. It all went so fast. I wish I had let him come into bed with us just that once."

Mommy: "Let me go take my shower and I'll come back in to check on you. You wait here."

Mommy goes downstairs to discuss with Daddy. Though neither parent is a fan of the family bed thing, they agree that it would be ok for one night. Mommy takes Bean, eight of his stuffed animals, cozy blanket, his pillows and his water cup and puts them in her bed. Mommy climbs into bed and tries to fit in the small space left for her.

Bean: (whispers) "Mommy, your bed is very cozy. Mommom's is cozier but I like yours too."

Mommy: "That's good honey. Now close your eyes and go to sleep."

Daddy comes to bed and all is quiet. Ernie walks in, nails clicking on the hardwood floors, climbs onto his bed, circles and lays down with a sigh. Buster hops on the bed, curls around Beans feet and begins purring. The baby monitor is about a foot from Mommy's head on the bed side table and she can hear Goobs snoring. The room is full. Mommy is listening to the breathing of all the men, human and non-human, in her life. She remembers back to before she and Daddy got engaged. All she wanted was a dog, a cat that lived inside, a husband and some boys. It suddenly occurs to her that she has everything she has ever wanted. She begins to wonder if maybe she should have considered adding a beach house or monthly trips to the spa to that wish list. She is feeling a little crowded, but otherwise very, very lucky. Bean appears to be asleep.

Bean: (sits straight up, turns towards Daddy and says in a loud voice) "Daddy, a snake is a very long tool that goes all the way down the drain and gets things out like hair and fuz and all sorts of things."

Daddy: (chuckles) "That's right. That is a drain snake. Now close your eyes and go to sleep."

Bean begins making pretend snoring noises that he hears Mommy and Daddy make when they are pretending to sleep, as he thinks this is the way you go to sleep. Mommy and Daddy both begin to laugh. They can't stop.

Bean: Mommy, Daddy, shhh. I'm a tired little boy. I need my rest. It was a very busy day.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Escape

Bean is on the couch watching Mighty Machines. Mommy is working on dinner. Ernie is pacing. Goobs is sitting in his high chair watching Mommy cook. Mommy goes to the front door to get the mail. Before she knows what is happening, Ernie escapes and begins running down the street.

Mommy: (at the top of her lung) "Ernie! Get back here! Ernie come!"

Ernie stops, looks at Mommy, puts his "Yeah right lady. Freedom! Freedom!" look on his face and continues running.

Mommy: (Very aware that all of her neighbors can probably hear her and are probably shaking their heads thinking to themselves "I hope she doesn't yell at her children like that".) "Ernie! I'm not chasing you. I can't leave the babies. I'm NOT following you!"

Ernie let's out a bark, turns and continues running down the street. Mommy thinks she just saw her neighbor look out her upstairs window at, who will now be known as, "the crazy woman across the street who tries to reason with her dog."

Bean: (comes to the door) "Oh Ernie, come back."

Ernie stops, looks at Bean standing in the doorway. Ernie begins running as fast as he can back toward the house. He runs in the front door and heads straight to his bed and lies down.

Bean: (Runs over, pats Ernie on the head) "Oh Ernie, you are such a good beast."

Mommy: (Glaring at Ernie. It is now painfully obvious who is the alpha dog in the house and she is pretty sure that every dog training and parenting book would seriously discourage letting it be the 3 year old. ) "Seriously Ernie? You listen to him? What about me? I'm the Mom here. I'm in charge."

Bean: "I know you are in charge Mommy. Just like you tell me."

Mommy sighs. It's all she can do at this point. She is really sick of her voice from all the yelling at the dog and the way her 3 year old tells it, she sounds like a tyrant who is always telling people that she is in charge. She sighs again and goes to finish making dinner.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

God's Workshop

Breakfast table. Bean is talking about his time yesterday with Mommom. He was able to reach the pedals on his tricycle and Mommom told him how long his legs are now.

Bean: "Mommy, my legs are sooooo long now."

Mommy: "Yes. You just grew and grew all winter and now it's spring and your legs are long and you can ride your bike."

Bean: "My legs are long but they cut Goobs's legs short."

Mommy: "Who cut Goob's legs short?"

Bean: (Looks at Mommy as if she is a stupid idiot and can't believe she doesn't know this, afterall, she is Goobs' mother. Says with a slight annoyance in his voice) "God. When he was putting Goobs together in his workshop he cut Goobs's legs short."

Mommy: "Oh, God has a workshop huh?"

Bean: "Yes, just like Poppop's"

Mommy: (Making a mental note NOT to tell her father that her son just compared him to God) "Well, God did make Goobs. That is true."

Bean: "Yes, then he put him in your belly and then you went to the hospital and... "

(Bean pauses. It is clear he is trying to figure out how the baby then came out of Mommy's belly. Mommy is not sure she wants to explain it. Mommy waits to see if he asks the question. Bean isn't sure he wants to ask the question either because he suspects he might not like the answer. Bean and Mommy stare at each other. There seems to be a mutual understanding that the question will not be asked and therefore not answered, thus avoiding the trauma of explaining childbirth.)

Bean: "...and then the baby just came out. "

Mommy: "That's right. The baby just came out. Easy peasy."

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Love

Mommy, Bean and Goobs have just returned from a trip to the grocery store. The store didn't have 3 things on the list (which means Mommy is going to have to go back to the store for the 4th day in a row). Bean and Goobs are both very hungry and are whining because of it. They are walking in the door into the kitchen where Ernie is locked when they are out.

Bean: (enters the kitchen first) "Uh oh Mommy. Ernie did something bad."

Mommy: (not surprised as Ernie usually gets something off of the counter or digs something out of the trash. Mommy is more worried about the baby that is slipping out of her hands and the grocery bags that are breaking as she walks in the door) "Oh, that's ok. We'll clean it up."

Bean: (begins to cry) "No Mommy. He did something really bad."

Mommy: (a little worried about the tone in Bean's voice. Suspects things may be worse that she thought. She enters the kitchen and gasps) "Ernie! What did you do!!!!"

Ernie: (hangs his head and lowers his body as close to the ground as possible. let's out a small whimper.)

Bean: (crying louder)"Oh Ernie. Oh no!"

Goobs: (Sees Bean crying and begins crying himself)

The kitchen is a complete disaster. Dishes have been pulled out of the sink and lay on the floor broken. The garbage can has been completely emptied and entire contents are in small pieces on the floor. The pantry door has been opened and the box of dog bones has been consumed. The box of baby oatmeal has been shredded and is now stuck to the floor after an attempt was made to lick it up. The entire kitchen floor is covered with a thick film consisting of small pieces of paper and various wrappings, baby oatmeal and dog saliva. Bean and Goobs are in tears.

Mommy: (begins to cry herself) "Ernie you are a very, very, very bad dog."

Bean: "Oh Mommy. Why is Ernie such a bad beast?"

Mommy: (Sits on the steps and really begins to cry. She now knows that the reason she no longer wants 3 children is because of the stupid dog. She knows that she can't complain to anyone because the dog was her big idea in the first place and she doesn't want to hear all of the "I told you so's". She now understands why her parents never wanted a dog while she was growing up, though she will never admit this to them, and is slightly resentful of it because if they had just gotten her a dog when she was little she would have gotten it all out of her system and would not have had to adopt the first mutt she laid her eyes on when her husband finally agreed to a dog. ) "I don't know Bean. I don't know why he is so bad."

Bean: "But Mommy, we still love him right."

Mommy: (Still crying) "Not right now we don't"

Bean: "I still love him Mommy."

Mommy: (Now Mommy is worried that not only is her kitchen trashed and she is the owner of what is without a doubt the absolute worst dog in the world, but she has just permanently wounded her child by telling him that she doesn't love a member of the family when he does something bad.) "I still love him too. I'm just very unhappy with him. He made a big mess and was very bad."

Bean: (No longer crying. Goes over to Ernie, gives him a hug) "Oh Ernie, you are such a bad beast. Mommy, can you be happy now?"

Goobs: (Laughs at Bean hugging the dog)

Mommy:  "Yes, I can be happy now. I've got my boys."

Bean: "Even Ernie Mommy."

Mommy: "Even Ernie."

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Walmart

Mommy and Bean are sitting in the family room playing trucks. Again.

Bean: "Why did Oscar go to be with God Mommy?"

Mommy: "Oscar was sick honey, so he went to be with God in heaven. He was a good kitty and we loved him very much didn't we."

Bean: "But God isn't in heaven anymore Mommy"

Mommy: "He isn't? Then where is God?"

Bean: "Walmart"

Mommy: (can't believe he picked Walmart. At least he could have picked Target.) "Oh really? God is at Walmart?"

Bean: "Yes Mommy. God is at Walmart."

Mommy: "Well, that's very philosphical of you. I guess God is at Walmart. He is everywhere."

Bean: "Can we go see God at Walmart Mommy?"

Mommy: "No, we can't go and see Him. You don't really see God, you just kinda know He is there."

Bean: (thinks on this for a moment. Mommy is sure she is going to have to explain the whole "don't see God but somehow believe he is there"concept. She is trying to remember her philospophy 101 class. Not prepared for this heavy conversation with her three year old) "Well, let's just go to Walmart to buy a toy truck then Mommy."

Mommy: (breathes a sigh of relief, though not sure that it is a good thing that her son's spirituality can be overshadowed so easily by toy trucks) "No Walmart today honey."


Sunday, March 7, 2010

church

Sunday morning. Church starts at 11:15. It's 10:45. Bean is distracted with his trucks. Goobs is taking a very long time finishing his 10:30 bottle. Mommy hasn't put any makeup on yet and is still in her bathrobe. Daddy is trying to wrangle Bean into shoes and a coat.

Mommy: (finally gets into the car, dressed and begins applying makeup as Daddy pulls out of the driveway) "It's a lot of work getting everyone ready at the same time to go somewhere. I think I get why people go to the trouble to go to church every week."

Daddy: "I don't think we are supposed to think of it as 'trouble'"

Mommy: "Oh come on. We can not possibly be the only parents that think getting ready for church is a pain. God knows. Even if they don't say it outloud, they think it is a pain to."

Daddy: "Well they must not think it is too bad if they do it."

Mommy: "See, that is what I have figured out. Free child care. 1 1/2 hours of no children and relative quiet. For the first time in my life I am actually hoping that the sermon goes long today."

Saturday, March 6, 2010

I wish

Mommy is in the kitchen. Bean is in the family room. Goobs is sitting in his highchair in the kitchen with Mommy. Bean has recently returned home from a sleepover at Mommom and Poppop's house.

Bean: (with raised voice from family room) "Mommy, can I have some chocolate chips."

Mommy: (also with raised voice from kitchen) "No you can't have any chocolate chips. It is 4:30. We are going to have dinner soon."

Bean: "But Mommom lets me have them."

Mommy: "I doubt Mommom give you chocolate chips before dinner."

Bean: "Can I have a popsicle Mommy."

Mommy: "No, nothing sweet until after dinner."

Bean: (with a whiny voice and much drama) "Oh but Mommom lets me have one."

Mommy: (can see this conversation is going no where) "Uh huh."

Bean: "Can I watch a video."

Mommy: (beginning to hate the nasal sound of her voice when she says the word no) "No you have watched enough tv today."

Bean: "Oh but Mommom lets me."

Mommy: "Well, I'm not Mommom. I'm Mommy and I am in charge here."

Bean: "Oh Mommy, I wish you were Mommom."

Goobs: (looks at Mommy, laughs) "Ma Ma"

Mommy: (to Goobs) "I hope that was a Ma Ma that just came out."

Goobs: "Ma Ma"

Friday, March 5, 2010

Creamed Chicken

Daddy has just come home. Mommy is trying to get dinner ready. Bean is in the family room, playing with trucks.

Mommy: (let's out a lamenting sigh) "Remember when I used to cook real food. I would find a new recipe and say "hey, this sounds good" and then I would just make it. Any day of the week. Remember that?"

Daddy: "I have a vague recollection of it. But, I'm afraid my taste buds have forgotten."

Mommy: "I miss cooking. Not throwing something together in 30 minutes. I miss reading recipes, shopping for ingredients, taking time to actually cook. I used to be really good at it."

Daddy: "Yeah, you were a good cook."

Mommy: "Were?"

Daddy: "Well, you aren't bad. You know, just a lot of the same. It's not your fault. That's how kids are. If it were up to Bean, he would have creamed chicken every night, not just once a week."

Mommy: "Do we really have it every week? Oh no! We're those people we are always reading about and seeing on tv! We are a punch line! Same thing for dinner every week. We're in a rut. Next week I'm going punch things up a little. Watch out."

Daddy: "Ooooh. Sounds exciting."

Bean: (loudly from the other room) "Mommy, is dinner ready yet?"

Mommy: (to Bean) "Not yet, I'll let you know."

Daddy: "What are we having tonight?"

Mommy: (pauses, looks at the pot on the stove, then looks at her husband sheepishly) "Creamed Chicken."


Creamed Chicken
6 tbsp butter or margarine
6 tbsp flour
2 tsp chicken essense (or chicken stock base)
1 tsp garlic powder
3 cups lowfat milk warmed (or 1 1/2 cup chicken stock and 1 1/2 cup lowfat milk)
4 boneless chicken breasts

In double broiler, melt the butter. Add flour, chicken essense and garlic powder. Whisk together and cook for 2 minutes. Slowly add the milk whisking the entire time. Cook sauce until thickened. While sauce is cooking, cube the chicken breasts. Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in pan and add chicken. Cook chicken pieces until chicken is fully cooked (about 10 minutes). Add chicken to sauce. Cook both together for in double broiler 20 minutes stiring occasionally. Serve over rice.

Over-used Recipes Swap

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Usefulness

Bath time. Daddy is giving Bean a bath in the bathroom. Mommy is feeding Goobs his evening bottle in the nursery. Daddy and Bean are talking about the day.

Bean: "Oh Daddy, I love you."

Daddy: "I love you too Bean. Why do you love me so much?"

Bean: "Well Daddy, you are very useful."

Daddy: "What am I useful for Bean?"

Bean: (taps his finger to his lips. thinks for a moment) "You're useful for building things Daddy."

Daddy: "What is Goobs useful for?"

Bean: "Wiggling all over the place. That's what Mommy says he does."

Daddy: "What is Mommy useful for."

Bean: (thinks again) "For doing dishes."

Daddy: (Mommy can hear his snicker from the other room. Daddy tries for an answer that Mommy might like a little better) "What else is Mommy useful for?"

Bean: "Vacuuming"

Daddy: (hears Mommy sigh from the other room) "Anything else?"

Bean: "Wiping me after I do a toot toot."

Mommy: (hanging her head and says in a rather terse voice to Daddy) "Just give up honey. You are just making it worse."

Daddy:  "Mommy is very useful isn't she. We love her don't we."

Bean: "Of course we do Daddy."

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Holes

Saturday night. Mommy and Daddy are getting ready to go out for dinner alone. Bean is watching Lots and Lots of Trucks while waiting for Mommom to come over and babysit. Mommy is ready first and comes downstairs.

Bean: (looks at Mommy with a confused look on his face) "Mommy, why are you wearing that?"

Mommy: (wearing jeans, and a sweater with a casual blouse under it. not really all that dressy. feeling a little discouraged that her three year old thinks such a casual outfit is something out of the ordinary) "Daddy and I are going out for dinner. "

Bean: "Oh, I can go too Mommy."

Mommy: "No. Sometimes Mommy's and Daddy's like to go out alone. Without the kids. It's good for us to get out of the house without you two goofballs."

Bean: "But why are you wearing that. That's for church."

Mommy: (really beginning to feel discouraged. knew she wore the same thing everyday but is wondering if more people that she suspected notice as well, if her 3 year old notices.) "Well, this is a nice sweater. I wear it when I go out somewhere."

Bean: (looking at Mommy with a worried look on his face now. He has just noticed the earings in her ears) "Mommy, what are those? Why are they making holes in your ears? Mommy, take them out!"

Mommy: "No, they are earings. They make Mommy pretty."

Bean: "But how will the holes go away Mommy?"

Mommy: "Look" (removes one earing) "When I take them out the hole is gone"

Bean: "Mommy, you are pretty enough. Take them out."

Mommy: (feeling even more discouraged that her child is three years old and this is the first time he has noticed her earings. suspects that this is due to lack of earing wearing on her part and not a lack of observation on his part. she does not like the implication of this suspicion) "Thanks honey, but Mommy wants to wear them. It makes me feel fancy."

Bean: "Ok Mommy. Take them out after dinner."

Mommy: "Ok, I will."

Mommom arrives and Mommy and Daddy get ready to leave. Mommy kisses Bean and Goobs goodbye.

Bean: "Have fun being ALONE Mommy. Bye Daddy. Have fun not being with us goofballs."

Mommy and Daddy: (not feeling as guilty as they should from a statement like that) "Don't worry. We will."

Monday, March 1, 2010

Baby Store

Lunch time. Mommy and Bean are discussing the plans for the afternoon.

Mommy: "I'm going to go visit LuLu this afternoon and see new baby Chace."

Bean: "Is baby Chace out of her belly now?"

Mommy: "Yes! He's here. And he is so cute. Lu Lu went to the hospital and he came out and now they are home with him."

Bean: "Did they go to Babies-r-Us?"

Mommy: "I don't know. I think they probably already had everything they needed from the baby store."

Bean: "Then what store did they get baby Chace from. We got Goobs from Babies-r-Us."

Mommy: (does not like where this conversation is going. not yet ready to explain where babies come from) "They got him from the store at the hospital."

Bean: "Oh, ok."