Mommy and Daddy have decided to take the boys to the Philadelphia Zoo to try and offer a little entertainment while they wait for various family festivities to begin later in the day. Mommy and Daddy have been to the Philadelphia Zoo a number of times and have a pretty good idea of how to get there. Plus, they passed the exit for the zoo on their ride in and it is burned in their memory. Mommy has also programed the zoo into her new fancy dancy GPS just in case her memory fails. She is Mommy. She is prepared.
Mommy's father, known as Poppop, is joining Mommy, Daddy, Bean and Goobs for the outing to the zoo. Poppop comes from a long line of people who appreciate organization, predictability, and well thought out plans for every adventure life may have to offer. Some have called them obsessive. Some have called them control freaks. To Mommy, they are family.
They have decided to take the van. Mommy's van. Poppop is an uncomfortable passenger. He feels things are best controlled when he is driving. Mommy doesn't like other people driving her van. Mommy and Poppop stand in the parking lot. They stare at each other. Mommy is trying very hard to show Poppop that she is now a 35 year old woman. She is a mature adult now and not the young girl who would do things specifically because someone told her not to. She offers Poppop the keys to her van.
Mommy: (She hangs her head) "Here Dad. You can drive."
Poppop: "No, that's OK. I'm OK not driving."
Mommy doesn't believe Poppop for a second. She can see in his eyes that he is trying very hard to not become too rigid in his old age. He figures that letting his daughter drive will really show how flexible and "go with the flow" he is. Mommy doesn't make the offer again. She hops into the drivers seat. Poppop sits in the passenger seat without saying a word. Mommy is very suspicious. Poppop isn't acting like himself. He always drive. She honestly can't remember the last time she drove him anywhere. Then he speaks.
Poppop: "I'll just give directions."
Mommy knew there was a catch. She adjusts her GPS which is armed and ready. She figures that this will show him what a grown up she is now.
Mommy: "I have a GPS Dad. I know how to go."
Poppop: (He pulls out his 6-inch think atlas of the continental U.S. and sets it on his lap.) "Right. Probably best to avoid the traffic though. It could be busy today."
Mommy: (Rolls her eyes. How funny. Poppop and that atlas. So silly) "Well, I have the GPS so that should cover us."
Poppop: (Reaches into his backpack and pulls his own GPS and sets it on the dash board) "I think I like the way mine takes us better."
Mommy: (Thinking that it isn't so silly anymore and wondering if perhaps this is what the beginning of dementia looks like) "So, what you are saying Dad is that we need two GPS systems, an atlas and three adults that already know how to get there to get to the zoo?"
Poppop: (Completely serious) "Like I said, there can be a lot of traffic."
Mommy: (Feeling a headache coming on, she reaches for some Excedrin and washes them down with what she wishes was a fifth of vodka, but in reality is day old water from a crusty sippy cup) "Let's just get going before I change my mind about this whole thing."
Bean: "Mommy, are you sure you know where you are going."
Mommy: (Giving one last huge eye roll, she sighs) "Yes Bean, I am on my way to the nut house. That is where I'm going."
Bean: "No Mommy, I wanted to go to the Zoo!!!!