Thursday, August 5, 2010

Bean's Genius Idea

It's bath  time. Mommy, Daddy, Bean and Goobs are heading upstairs to start baths and bed. Daddy and Goobs are on their way up while Mommy is trying to wrangle Bean. He is very distracted.

Mommy: (Her hands are full with Bear, Cozy Blanket, a bottle for Goobs, and a basket of clean and folded laundry) "Come on Bean, time to go up for bath.

Bean: (Clearly in his own world and acting as if he can't hear a word Mommy is saying, he is whispering to himself) "Perhaps, hmmmm, perhaps."

Mommy: (A little confused what is going on is his head. She has not seen this game before. Usually he is rescuing someone or digging or fixing something. But this is odd. He is just walking around in a circle saying 'perhaps') "Come on Bean. I said it is time to go upstairs. Time for bath."

Bean: (There is a twinkle now in his eye and a devilish grin on his face. He is still walking in circles.) "Perhaps"

Mommy watches as Bean stops circling, drops trou and is cocked and ready to fire right over her basket of knitting yarn that Goobs had gotten out just moments before they headed upstairs.

Mommy: (Screams, drops Bear, Cozy and the bottle along with the full basket of clean folded laundry) "DON"T YOUR DARE!"

Bean looks at Mommy completely stunned like a deer in headlights. Mommy picks him up, rushes him upstairs and plunks him on the potty. Bean is fully potty trained. This was no accident. In fact, Bean is starting to stand and learn to aim now with his tinkle. Mommy suspects this is the problem. Daddy and his brilliant idea of teaching Bean how to aim. This never happened when he sat down to tinkle like Mommy showed him.

Mommy: "The potty is where you do your tinkles mister. Especially inside. That was my yarn! Were you really going to tinkle on my yarn? Where did you come up with that genius idea?"

Bean doesn't say a word. Mommy can hear Daddy's chuckle from Goobs' room.

Mommy: (She leaves Bean to finish his business, on the potty, like a civilized human being, and goes into Goobs' room to talk to Daddy) "Well, I guess it's official. We have ourselves a little boy. What on earth would make him want to do that?"

Daddy: "Little boys like to pee on things. It's his way of letting everyone know what's his."

Mommy: "Well, I'm not raising a pack of dogs here. And besides, that was my yarn. I never bargained for these boys peeing on my things on purpose. Completely unacceptable!"

Mommy heads back downstairs to retrieve the bottle, Bear and Cozy. She leaves the pile of laundry in a crumpled mess the floor and heads back upstairs. Bean is still on the potty. Daddy is now in the bathroom with him. Mommy can hear the two of them giggling together.

Bean: (Obviously very pleased with himself that not only did he almost manage to pee on his mothers very expensive silk blend yarn, but he now learned a new phrase from Mommy) "Daddy, I had a genius idea."

Daddy laughs out loud and Bean continues to laugh. Guess the joke is on Mommy. All Mommy can do is sigh and tell herself to buck up. For the next 18 years, she is going to be out numbered by penises and she had better start getting used to it.

1 comment:

  1. not the yarn bean!!!

    i would have paid big money to see his startled face.