Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

Mommy, Bean and Goobs have just returned home from running errands. They haven't gone inside yet, as the neighbor boy, one of Bean's favorite people, is outside playing and they all get side tracked. A month ago Mommy made an appointment to have the furnace cleaned and checked and of course, Mommy didn't write the appointment down and she has forgotten about it. Daddy has just called her to tell her that the furnace people called to say they will be at the house in 15 minutes. It's Monday. 15 minutes isn't nearly enough time to get everyone inside and get the house together.

Mommy rushes inside and puts the dog in the back yard. Then she proceeds to run around the house trying to make it look like there wasn't a tornado that just ripped though the living room. It doesn't occur to Mommy until much later that the furnace guys will be spending their time in the basement, not the living room, but the 50's housewife in her kicks in and she just can't help herself.

The furnace guys arrive and Bean, being the budding garbage/repair/anything-to-do-with-tools man insists on watching the men inspect the furnace. So, Mommy, Bean and Goobs follow the men down to the basement and set up camp for what is guaranteed to be a great show. Unfortunately for Mommy, neither of the furnace guys is as good looking as the landscaper that comes on Thursdays to the house across the street that Bean also likes to watch.

Mommy is busy keeping Goobs content while Bean talks the ear off of the furnace guy when one of them turns to Mommy.

Furnace Guy 1: "Uhh excuse me Ma'am, there seems to be some milk leaking somewhere."


Mommy: "(Mommy instinctually glances down at her chest, realizing that this can't be what he is talking about since her nursing days are over. She is completely confused and pretty sure she must have heard him wrong.) "What? Did you say milk?"

Furnace Guy 1: "Yes, look here. There is milk dripping down from the ceiling."

Mommy walks over and looks where the guy is pointing. Sure enough, there is milk dripping down from the basement ceiling. "

Mommy runs up to the kitchen and searches all over the floor for a tipped over milk cup. It is only 10am. No one has even had milk yet today, which means that old milk is leaking, which is even worse.

She runs back down to the basement, all the while carrying Goobs and dragging Bean along with her because he has to know what is going on all the time. She stares at the milk dripping out of the ceiling of the basement again because she just can't believe that milk is actually falling from her ceiling.

Bean: (Takes a look with Mommy and with a very serious face says) "Yep Mommy. It looks like milk."

Mommy: (Not very amused at this moment. Goobs is getting very heavy and squirmy and the milk is still dripping.) "Thanks Bean. Glad you agree with the furnace guy's assessment of things."

Bean: (Loving the face that he was just compared to the furnace guy and that he has learned a new word) "Yes Mommy, that is my sussessment."

Furnace Guy 1: "I just thought I would let you know because it would probably start to smell."

Mommy is now absolutely and completely horrified. Here are two furnace guys who are being watched by a disheveled woman, a squirmy one year old and a three year old who doesn't stop talking. Then, as if the voyeurism of this family isn't enough, there is milk dripping from the ceiling which apparently is going to make the whole house smell like rotten something-or-other. No doubt this family will be put on some sort of "avoid at all costs" house. She can picture the furnace repair men at their annual furnace conference trading names of people's homes to avoid. Mommy is mortified.

Mommy: (Clears her throat and tries to sound casual) "Yeah, thanks for letting me know. There must be a milk cup tipped over somewhere."

Mommy runs back upstairs carrying Goobs and dragging Bean. She searches the kitchen again and finally checks behind her baking/storage cart. There it is. A three day old cup of milk knocked down by the stinkin' dog during one of his kitchen rampages.

Mommy goes back downstairs and tries to explain that it was the dogs fault. The look on the furnace guy's faces clearly say "Yeah right lady, way to blame it on the dog and not your bad housekeeping."

It's Monday. Mommy figures it could have been much worse.

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