It is Sunday evening. Mommy had to work on Saturday and the weekend has been a long one. Daddy and Bean have just returned home from the Science Center. Everyone is hungry. Mommy is trying to get dinner ready as fast as possible to keep everyone from completely falling apart. Things are not going as quickly as she would like.
Bean: (whining from the other room) "Mommy! I'm hungry! Is my dinner ready yet?"
Mommy: "Just a few minutes. I'm trying as fast as I can."
Goobs: "Ma Ma. Num Num Num. Ma Ma!"
Daddy: (trying to make himself heard over the whining and complaining) "How come you didn't get it ready while we were gone? I thought you said you would have dinner ready when you got home."
Mommy: (Also trying to make herself heard) "I tried but Goobs wouldn't have anything to do with me putting him down. All he did was stand at my legs and cry. I couldn't really do anything."
Bean: "Mommy! Dinner!"
Daddy: "Once you get them down to dinner, I have to go mow the lawn, OK?"
Mommy hates mowing the lawn and it was something that they agreed would be Daddy's job. Daddy doesn't particularly like mowing the lawn, but he hates it less than Mommy, which is how decisions get made in this house. Whoever hates it less has to do it.
Mommy: "OK, just let me get this ready and get them to the table."
The screaming and whining continues. Mommy finally gets dinner ready and has the boys sit at the table. There is a moment of silence then it begins again.
Bean: "Mommy, I don't like this. I don't want this. I want a hamburger."
Mommy: "Sorry Bean. This is what is for dinner. Eat it or be hungry. I'm not making you something else."
Goobs: "Ma Ma, num num num. Wa Wa." (Then he proceeds to spit out the food that he has in his mouth and throw the rest of it on the floor for the dog to eat.)
Mommy looks at Daddy who is just about to get up to go mow the lawn. She has an idea.
Mommy: " I can go mow the lawn for you."
Daddy: (Silence. He looks at Mommy in disbelief. Has it really gotten this bad? Is she really this frazzled? Has she actually just volunteered to mow the lawn? He isn't sure he wants to give up his 20 minutes of iPod, lawnmower induced solitude) "No, that's OK. I can do it."
Mommy: (Trying to sound diplomatic and like she is really just trying to have an even steven marriage) "No, really, you always have to do it. It's only fair."
At this point Daddy knows that Mommy is playing him. He's not going to fall for it.
Daddy: "No, I don't mind. I know how much you hate it. I can do it."
Mommy: (Sensing that Daddy is on to her little scheme, she figures it is a lost cause. After all, he is the lawyer. No sense in trying to out play him.) "OK, you can do it."
By this point, Goobs has flung all of his food off of his tray and just as Mommy gets up to get him a cheese stick when she steps in a puddle of milk that has formed on the floor from a Goobs-flung sippy cup, soaking her last clean pair of socks. She is feeling surrounded and is in dire need of some fresh air. No more discussion. She is Mommy and if she wants to mow the lawn then she is going to do precisely that.
Mommy: "No, I think I'm going to go mow the lawn. I could use the exercise. See you."
She jumps up before Daddy can protest. As she is leaving the house she can faintly hears Daddy's cries of defeat.
Daddy: " Hey! No fair! You said I could mow the lawn. No take backs!"
Who would have ever thought it would come to this. Certainly not Mommy, that is for sure.