It's Saturday and Mommy is out for the afternoon to finish up some things for work. Daddy is home with Bean and Goobs. Mommy left them right after she put Goobs down for his nap at 1:00 and she is now returning home around 5:00.
Daddy: (As soon as Mommy walks in the door, Daddy calls Bean) "Bean! Mommy's home. Go show her what you made."
Bean comes running into the kitchen with Goobs's popper toy that now has a wrapping paper cardboard tube taped to it.
Mommy: "What is that thing that you made?"
Bean: "It's my gun Mommy."
Daddy looks at Mommy and makes the 'it was inevitable' face. Mommy has worked really hard to make sure that Bean, who is only three, isn't exposed to violence. She isn't a mom who never lets her kids watch TV or anything, it's just that she is very careful about what they watch. They don't have cable television and mostly Bean watches PBS shows that are educational and fairly harmless. She has no idea where this gun talk is coming from.
Mommy knew that when he started preschool, he would more than likely be exposed to the idea of guns and bad guys and hurting people. She knew this day was coming. She just didn't prepare for it.
Daddy: "Honestly, he came up with this all on his own. I came into the family room and he had the popper and the cardboard tube and was taping it together himself and told me he needed to make a gun for the bad guys. I helped him a little, but it was his idea."
Mommy: "I know. It's ok. I knew it would happen sometime. That is what I have heard about boys. No matter how hard you try, they play guns."
Daddy: "I always played guns when I was little. My parents just told me that I couldn't shoot people. I was only allowed to shoot Bears."
Mommy: "Um, Bears? I don't want him shooting Bears."
Daddy: "Ok, well, we weren't as animally PC as we are now, so I told him that he can only shoot targets and bad machines."
Bean: "Yeah Mommy, only targets and bad machines. No people or animals."
Mommy: (Sighs. Resigning herself once again to the fact that she is surrounded by boys) "OK, well, just remember, no shooting people. That isn't nice."
Bean: "But Mommy, Army men shoot people. How come they can shoot people?"
Mommy looks at Daddy and hopes that he has some way of explaining war to a three year old. They both stand there looking at each other. Completely silent. Neither one knows what to say and is hoping that the other says something first. They are at a standstill. Who will break first? Mommy suspects this is what the sex talk might be like. She figures that maybe if she takes the war talk, Daddy will do the sex one when the times comes.
Mommy: "Well, they don't want to shoot people but sometimes they have to."
Bean: "Why Mommy."
Mommy looks at Daddy again. She has just walked in from a long few hours at work and she was not prepared for this. She looks at Daddy and he gives her a look that let's her know she is in this one alone.
Mommy: (In her most chipper and enthusiastic voice) "Who wants dinner? How about we all go to Wegman's for dinner!"
Bean: "I do. Yeah! Can I get Indian chicken? "
And that is how Mommy put off explaining war. Let's hope Wegman's for dinner continues for work for 15 or so more years.