Friday, December 31, 2010

Recipie for chocolate

Thursday morning. Daddy is in the shower. Goobs is upstairs in his crib playing while Daddy takes his shower. Bean is downstairs playing. Mommy is in the basement. There is commotion in the living room where Bean is playing.

Daddy: (Dripping wet and in a towel, he came to make sure that things were ok) "What's going on down here?"

Bean: (Moving three empty laundry baskets around, lifting them in the air, throwing them down and then jumping in them) "I'm just working at the factory."

Daddy: "Oh, what kind of factory?"

Bean: "I'm making chocolate. First you take animal poop, then that gets turned into sand. Then the sand gets turned into people and you make the people into chocolate."

Daddy: "Oh, wow. "

Bean: "Daddy, that is how you make chocolate. Didn't you know."

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Holiday Cheer

Tuesday night. Daddy has just gotten home from work. Like every evening when Daddy comes home, both Bean and Goobs have accompanied him upstairs to help him change out of his suit. Mommy, like every evening, has jumped at the chance to have 15 minutes alone in her basement sewing room/office/batcave.

The neighbors stopped by earlier in the evening to drop of some very lovely, very delicious, very beautiful Christmas cookies. They are sitting on the counter.

From her batcave Mommy can hear Daddy, Bean and Goobs giggling and generally causing a ruckus. Mommy generally doesn't care what is going on upstairs, so long as she doesn't have to come up. Most nights, the entire upstairs is completely trashed after the 15 minutes of "men" time. Again, Mommy doesn't care if it means 15 minutes to herself surrounded by beautiful fabric, sewing machines, yarn and all things that the children aren't allowed access to.

Mommy hears everyone head downstairs to the kitchen.

Daddy: "Ernie! Bad Dog! You ate all our Christmas cookies."

Bean: (Screaming at the top of his lungs in an ear shattering volume) "Ahhhhh. Ernie!"

Goobs: "No! Dog! Cookie!"

And that's all because it was going to take a lot more than Christmas cookies to get Mommy upstairs.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


Today Mommy, Daddy, Bean and Goobs all went to Target. Mommy and Goobs shopped for stocking gifts for Daddy and the boys. Daddy and Bean shopped for stocking gifts for Mommy. The met up back up after going through the checkout lines. They are in the car driving home.

Daddy: "We got you some good stuff Mommy. I think you'll like it. Right Bean?"

Bean is silent. Thinking.

Mommy: "I kind of got distracted shopping for the boys. I think I only got two little things for your stocking. Hopefully Santa will bring you something."

Bean: "Mommy!" (He seems as if he is going to say something, then he stops talking suddenly, as if he is trying to hold something back. Mommy and Daddy wonder what he was going to say, but they go back to thier conversation.)

Mommy: "Well, Santa is ususally pretty kind to you. I think you will make out OK this Christmas."

Bean: (Very quietly Mommy can hear Bean begin to talk. She can't make out what he says until...) "....and we got you some bubble stuff. Oh Mommy, I'm trying to keep it a secret but it keeps wanting to come out."

Bean has been in the back seat like a volcano waiting to errupt. He isn't very good at keeping information to himself, and trying to keep a surprise from Mommy is a near impossible task.

Daddy: "Don't tell her more. We want to her be surprised."

Bean: "I'm trying to keep it a secret Daddy. I won't tell her anymore."

Daddy: "OK. Don't say anymore."

Bean: "OK, but Mommy! It smells like Watermelon!"

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A Taste of Monday

Monday morning. Everyone slept until 7:30 am. Mommy actually felt well rested this morning and as she sat at the breakfast table with her quiet, content, breakfast eating boys, she thought that she might actually have weathered the crazy storm and things might possibly be quieting down for this family and settling in.

Maybe not.

Here is a taste of Monday.

Mommy is in the kitchen making lunch. Bean is upstairs playing in his room. Mommy goes to the bottom of the stairs to call Bean for lunch.

Mommy: "Bean, lunch is ready. Come on down."

Bean: (Sounding a bit surprised) "OK, Mommy. I'm coming."

Mommy: (Knowing that surprise in Beans voice means he is up to something) "What's going on up there? Do I need to come up?"

Bean: "No Mommy. I'm coming. Don't come up."

Mommy: (She starts up the stairs because, really, when a three year old tells you not to come upstairs you most definitely should go upstairs) "What did you do? Why shouldn't I come up?"

Bean: (Looking sheepish and very guilty) "I don't want to tell you Mommy."

Mommy: "Remember how we talked about this? You can always tell me anything. Tell me what you did."

Bean: "It's a long story."

Mommy: "Why don't you give me the shortened version."

Bean: "I was painting the walls with the swiffer. I was painter Bean. I knocked down your pictures."

Mommy goes into her room and sees the two painting laying on the floor. No harm done really.

Mommy: "That's wasn't a very long story. There, I hung them back up. Accidents happen. Probably shouldn't do that again kay."

Mommy: (Thinking to herself) "I'm a great Mom. Not getting mad at Bean. Being understanding and letting him know that he can always tell me anything. Great Job Mommy."

Now it is rest time. Mommy has promised that when Sid the Science Kid is over, Bean can go and paint. Mommy has closed her eyes on the couch. She awakes to Bean talking to her.

Bean: "Sid is over Mommy. Can I paint now."

Mommy: "Sure. Let's go."

Bean: (Grabs his nose) "Something is stinky Mommy."

Mommy: (Still a little groggy from just opening her eyes, it takes her a second to realize that Bean is talking about HIMSELF!) "What? Who is stinky? Are you stinky?"

Bean: (With a very guilty look on his face he nods his head. Still holding his nose he looks down at the new living room carpet and points) "There is something on the floor Mommy."

Mommy: (Not exactly how she wanted to start the afternoon. Bean has been having #2 accidents lately, which Mommy is finding extremely disgusting) "What! Is your toot toot on the floor?"

Mommy runs over. She sees the turd that has fallen out of Beans pants (sorry readers, I know it is gross, but if Mommy has to suffer then so do you). She grabs Bean, takes him to the bathroom and puts him on the toilet. Then she goes to get paper towels.

Mommy: (Thinking to herself, again) "What am I doing wrong? What is going on? Don't get mad at him. Gross. Poop is gross. Ugh."

Somewhere in the middle of all of this, Ernie managed to get a sippy cup of milk off of the table and he did this to it:

Note the dog blood on the top. That same blood was all over the house from the gaping gash he gave himself from the razor sharp plastic he created from this sippy cup. After 15 minutes the bleeding stopped (Just in case you were worried. Mommy wasn't.)

Now it's afternoon. Bean is playing in the family room. Goobs is playing in the living room. Goobs comes into the kitchen.

Goobs: (Standing at Mommy's legs while she is trying to do dishes) "Mama. Up. Mama Button."

Mommy: (Grabs Goobs and is carrying him around while she puts dishes way) "Ok, come on."

Mommy then proceeds to knock Goobs on the head 4 times, 4 TIMES!, with cupboard doors, refrigerator doors, hanging pots and pans and one solid bonk with a spatula, all of which cause Goobs to do his super dramatic, i'msohurtyoushouldbemorecareful cry.

Mommy: (Thinking to herself, yet again) "What the heck! Crappy Mommy. Get youself together. What is your deal? You have to keep this kids alive Allison. "

Then it is time for dinner. Mommy is cooking. She goes out to the family room to check on Bean. He is in the bathroom. He has unrolled the entire roll of toilet paper.  At this point, it is 5:00 and she has just about given up for the day. Goobs is crying because he fell down yet again and wants to be held, not to mention he now has a stinky diaper which means more poop to clean up and there is toilet paper all over the floor. Mommy looks closer and half of the toilet paper is wet.

Mommy: (Sighs and in a resigned voice that seems to imply that she has finally come to terms with her crap infested, wet, soggy toilet papered life she says ) "What is going on? Why is there toilet paper everywhere?"

Bean: "Well Mommy, you see, I was wiping up the water. Then I needed a telescope...."

Mommy: (She shuts the bathroom door and leaves it, wet mess and all) "Whatever. Come on. Dinner is ready."

Mommy: (Thinking to herself) "......."

She's just too tired to think anything. Good, bad, doesn't matter. Just get some dinner in them and bed time is just around the corner.

And that was just Monday.

But, you know what? This is what Goobs looked like all day wearing his new romper.

Yeah. Yum!

And despite Bean's wall painting, floor pooping, telescoping, long story ways, he told Mommy at least 10 times today that he loved her and that she was a good Mommy.

After everyone was in bed Mommy had a chance to think to herself again. She figured it was mostly worth it. Then she told Daddy about the toilet paper in the bathroom and he cleaned it up.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


It's Monday morning and Mommy is getting Bean dressed for school.

Mommy: "Before we go to school we need to comb that hair. It is a little out of control today."

Bean: (Thinks for a moment then nods his head) "My hairs must be up to something."

Mommy: "What? What does that mean?"

Bean: "My hair isn't doing what it is supposed to do. So, it must be up to something."

Mommy: "I'll tell you what it's up to. It's up to being very messy and we need to comb it."

Bean: "Do you know how I knew my hair was up to something Mommy?"

Mommy: "How? How did you know your hair was up to something?"

Bean: "Because I used my thinking face. When I use my thinking face I know things."

Mommy: "Well, it is a good thing you have your thinking face. Otherwise you wouldn't know anything. Can I take a picture of your thinking face?"

Bean: "Not right now, I don't have anything I need to know now."

Mommy: "Oh, OK. Well, let me know when you are going to think about something."

Bean: "OK Mommy. I'll let 'cha know."

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


It's been a long few weeks. Mommy has had to go into work two weekends in a row, Goobs has been sick, Mommy has been sick, then Bean was sick, and now Daddy is sick and Goobs is sick again.

This afternoon Mommy decided to take Goobs to the doctor because he has been running a temp for a few days and was cranky enough that Mommy suspected an ear infection. No ear infection. No medicine. Just a virus that has to work its self out. Sigh. Mommy is feeling particularly tired this afternoon.

As Mommy walks in the door she immediately smells turkey. During the Thanksgiving holiday, Mommy cooked a turkey for a community dinner her work was hosting. Mommom thought it would be a good idea to save the drippings from the turkey and they were stored in Mommy's refrigerator. Since Thanksgiving is over and the space in Mommy's refrigerator is prime real estate in their house, Mommy put the large container of turkey drippings in the sink to clean up later. She forgot to do something with them before she left for the doctor, so Ernie was kind enough to do something with them while they were out. Hence the strong turkey odor upon entering the kitchen.

Mommy has managed to clean up the turkey mess in the kitchen that Ernie made when she suddenly realizes how quiet it is. She quickly looks in the family room and neither Bean or Goobs is in there. She calls out.

Mommy: "Bean? What are you doing? Where are you?"

Bean: (Shouts out from the living room) "I'm busy inventing something Mommy."

That can't be good.

Mommy goes into the living room. Bean has gotten into her yarn. Mommy's little genius invented a pulley system that unwinds balls of yarn at super sonic speed. All Mommy sees is a pile of yarn.

Mommy: (At this point Mommy is just exhausted and doesn't really care about the yarn. It wasn't her good stuff. She is just plain old too tired to care.) "Uh, what kind of invention is that?"

Bean: "It's my pully invention. See i just hook the yarn here then pull here and look!"

Mommy: "Great. That's great. Now, can you invent something that will wind it back up?"

Bean: "No Mommy. My brain is tired now. You can roll it back up."

Mommy: "Lucky me."