Monday morning. Everyone slept until 7:30 am. Mommy actually felt well rested this morning and as she sat at the breakfast table with her quiet, content, breakfast eating boys, she thought that she might actually have weathered the crazy storm and things might possibly be quieting down for this family and settling in.
Here is a taste of Monday.
Mommy is in the kitchen making lunch. Bean is upstairs playing in his room. Mommy goes to the bottom of the stairs to call Bean for lunch.
Mommy: "Bean, lunch is ready. Come on down."
Bean: (Sounding a bit surprised) "OK, Mommy. I'm coming."
Mommy: (Knowing that surprise in Beans voice means he is up to something) "What's going on up there? Do I need to come up?"
Bean: "No Mommy. I'm coming. Don't come up."
Mommy: (She starts up the stairs because, really, when a three year old tells you not to come upstairs you most definitely should go upstairs) "What did you do? Why shouldn't I come up?"
Bean: (Looking sheepish and very guilty) "I don't want to tell you Mommy."
Mommy: "Remember how we talked about this? You can always tell me anything. Tell me what you did."
Bean: "It's a long story."
Mommy: "Why don't you give me the shortened version."
Bean: "I was painting the walls with the swiffer. I was painter Bean. I knocked down your pictures."
Mommy goes into her room and sees the two painting laying on the floor. No harm done really.
Mommy: "That's wasn't a very long story. There, I hung them back up. Accidents happen. Probably shouldn't do that again kay."
Mommy: (Thinking to herself) "I'm a great Mom. Not getting mad at Bean. Being understanding and letting him know that he can always tell me anything. Great Job Mommy."
Now it is rest time. Mommy has promised that when Sid the Science Kid is over, Bean can go and paint. Mommy has closed her eyes on the couch. She awakes to Bean talking to her.
Bean: "Sid is over Mommy. Can I paint now."
Mommy: "Sure. Let's go."
Bean: (Grabs his nose) "Something is stinky Mommy."
Mommy: (Still a little groggy from just opening her eyes, it takes her a second to realize that Bean is talking about HIMSELF!) "What? Who is stinky? Are you stinky?"
Bean: (With a very guilty look on his face he nods his head. Still holding his nose he looks down at the new living room carpet and points) "There is something on the floor Mommy."
Mommy: (Not exactly how she wanted to start the afternoon. Bean has been having #2 accidents lately, which Mommy is finding extremely disgusting) "What! Is your toot toot on the floor?"
Mommy runs over. She sees the turd that has fallen out of Beans pants (sorry readers, I know it is gross, but if Mommy has to suffer then so do you). She grabs Bean, takes him to the bathroom and puts him on the toilet. Then she goes to get paper towels.
Mommy: (Thinking to herself, again) "What am I doing wrong? What is going on? Don't get mad at him. Gross. Poop is gross. Ugh."
Somewhere in the middle of all of this, Ernie managed to get a sippy cup of milk off of the table and he did this to it:
Note the dog blood on the top. That same blood was all over the house from the gaping gash he gave himself from the razor sharp plastic he created from this sippy cup. After 15 minutes the bleeding stopped (Just in case you were worried. Mommy wasn't.)
Now it's afternoon. Bean is playing in the family room. Goobs is playing in the living room. Goobs comes into the kitchen.
Goobs: (Standing at Mommy's legs while she is trying to do dishes) "Mama. Up. Mama Button."
Mommy: (Grabs Goobs and is carrying him around while she puts dishes way) "Ok, come on."
Mommy then proceeds to knock Goobs on the head 4 times, 4 TIMES!, with cupboard doors, refrigerator doors, hanging pots and pans and one solid bonk with a spatula, all of which cause Goobs to do his super dramatic, i'msohurtyoushouldbemorecareful cry.
Mommy: (Thinking to herself, yet again) "What the heck! Crappy Mommy. Get youself together. What is your deal? You have to keep this kids alive Allison. "
Then it is time for dinner. Mommy is cooking. She goes out to the family room to check on Bean. He is in the bathroom. He has unrolled the entire roll of toilet paper. At this point, it is 5:00 and she has just about given up for the day. Goobs is crying because he fell down yet again and wants to be held, not to mention he now has a stinky diaper which means more poop to clean up and there is toilet paper all over the floor. Mommy looks closer and half of the toilet paper is wet.
Mommy: (Sighs and in a resigned voice that seems to imply that she has finally come to terms with her crap infested, wet, soggy toilet papered life she says ) "What is going on? Why is there toilet paper everywhere?"
Bean: "Well Mommy, you see, I was wiping up the water. Then I needed a telescope...."
Mommy: (She shuts the bathroom door and leaves it, wet mess and all) "Whatever. Come on. Dinner is ready."
Mommy: (Thinking to herself) "......."
She's just too tired to think anything. Good, bad, doesn't matter. Just get some dinner in them and bed time is just around the corner.
And that was just Monday.
But, you know what? This is what Goobs looked like all day wearing his new romper.
And despite Bean's wall painting, floor pooping, telescoping, long story ways, he told Mommy at least 10 times today that he loved her and that she was a good Mommy.
After everyone was in bed Mommy had a chance to think to herself again. She figured it was mostly worth it. Then she told Daddy about the toilet paper in the bathroom and he cleaned it up.