Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Battle of the Wills

Dinner time. Tuesday night. Goobs has eaten his usual four bites of food and has begun his after dinner marathon around the house. Bean is finishing up his peas. Mommy and Daddy have finished and are waiting for Bean to join his brother so they can have a conversation.



Bean: "Mommy, I'm done."



Mommy: "OK, well, you need to asked to be excused and clear your plate off."



Bean: "No, I just want to say 'can i get down now'"



Mommy: "No, it is polite to say "may I please be excused". That is what you say when you want to get down from the dinner table. You are old enough to use manners. Now, say 'may I please be excused' and then when I say yes you can clear you plate off."



Bean: "No Mommy. I can't say that. I'm going to just say 'can I get down now'.



Mommy looks at Daddy and squints. It's 5:45 pm. Mommy has a headache. She is tired. She isn't sure if she has the fight in her. Then she remembers something she read once, "being a parent is very inconvenient". Quite the understatement.  Time for Mommy to muscle up and get the job done.



Mommy: "Bean, you need to ask to be excused the right way. You can't get down until you do. And no desert until you clear your plate off."



Bean crosses his arms across his chest and does a little  humph thing. He scowls at Mommy.



Bean: (sort of shouting, no, not sort of, a full on shout) "I'm not saying that! I can't say that. I'm going to say 'please can I get down now!' 



Mommy: (Realizing that this is an absolutely ridiculous argument she says in an I'm going to purposely talk very slowly and calmly because if I'm not very intentional here i will scream at you voice) "You will sit there until you do as I say."



Bean: "(Still shouting) "No! I either say 'please can i get down' now or nothing."



Mommy: "I don't take ultimatums from you. You know what you have to do to get down. You will sit there till you do."



Much screaming and wailing and shrieking ensues. Bean cries about how Mommy doesn't love him, how Mommy is being mean, how Mommy is making him say things he can't. This is coming from the kid who frequently asks Mommy if something he wants to watch on t.v. is 'age appropriate'. He can say "may I please be excused". He is choosing not to and it is making Mommy kind of mad.



Then, all of a sudden like a flash, Mommy remembers a similar moment with her parents. No horrific details needed, but let's just say, it becomes painfully clear which of his parents Bean was acting like at this particular moment. As if he can read Mommy's thoughts, Daddy looks over at her and grins.



 Mommy: (About 10 minutes of the crying have passed, Mommy hasn't lost her resolve but she is getting really close to caving. She has to win this. SHE HAS TO WIN THIS! Again in her calm voice ) "Bean, these are part of the dinner rules. This is part of being a polite young man. You need to asked to be excuse the right way and clear off your plate. Then you may have desert."



Bean: (Thinking very hard. He stops crying and is now just sniffling. He looks at Mommy and squints. Mommy can see his brain working. She knows perfectly well what is going on in that brain. She has Mommy powers. She grew this child. She squeezed him out. She knows how his brain works better than he does. She can see it, she is going to win!) "May I please be excused Mommy."



Hallelujah!



Mommy: "Yes. You may be excused. And, would you like some milk with your desert?

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Goobs

It has come to Mommy's attention that most of the posts on this blog are about Bean. Since this blog is call "The Adventures of Bean and Goobs" Mommy thinks it is only fair that she give more attention the other main character.

Since Goobs recently turned two and is very full of himself, there will no doubt be more telling of the adventures of Goobs. So, now for an introduction: meet Goobs.

Goobs now climbs onto the kitchen counter to reach the key that is on top of the refrigerator to unlock the cupboard under the sink which contains the switch to the garbage disposal.

Goobs plays in the dog water, sits in the dog water, steps in the dog water, throws remote controls in the dog water and drinks the dog water.

Goobs grabs half gallons of milk off the counter before anyone can stop him and runs as fast as his little legs can carry him while dumping the milk and screaming 'buttermillllllllk'.

Goobs wipes off kisses. If Mommy gives him a kiss, he wipes it off and says 'i wiped your kiss off.'

Goobs does whatever he can to annoy Bean which causes Bean to hit, kick, push or bite Goobs and then Mommy has to put Bean in a time out. Then Goobs stands in front of Bean while he is in his time out and says 'you need a time out Bean. You are being nasty.'

Goobs insists on naked time every morning. When he is finished with naked time, he wants to wear underwear on the outside of his clothes.

Goobs like to put all of his toys that make noise in a circle and then push all the buttons at the same time and stand back and listen to the noise. Mommy is happy that he can entertain himself for 20 minute, but she is slowly being driven mad.

Goobs will run up to Mommy at random times during the day and say "do you want a kiss Mommy? Do you want a hug". He will then squeeze Mommy very hard around the neck while patting her ear and give her a very slobbery and completely delicious kiss square on the lips. It makes Mommy sigh every time.

Oh Goobs.








Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Birds and the Bees according to Bean

Bean is a literal child. He was never happy with silly explanations about how things worked. He wanted specific, real, accurate explanations, preferably with charts and illustrations if at all possible. So, when Bean asks a question about how something works or why something is the way it is, Mommy and Daddy have found that the real explanation is usually the best way to go with Bean. He listens intently and then absorbs. Most times he gets it right when he repeats back whatever it is that he now knows to anyone who is willing to listen.

Three weeks ago Bean asked the question Mommy has been dreading since she became a parent.

Bean: "Mommy, do you think you should grow another baby?"

Mommy: "Well, Daddy and I aren't sure we need anymore babies. Babies are a lot of work. And babies are expensive."

Bean: "But Mommy, when you did grow me and Goobs, how did we get in your tummy anyway."

Mommy: "Well, let's see. It's kinda complicated. But, basically, I have a bunch of eggs in my tummy. Daddy put a seed in there and the seed and the egg came together and a baby grew. (Mommy has never liked the "seed" reference and this conversation is starting to give her the willies, but she is trying to explain the whole thing in a way that doesn't give too much information but doesn't give wrong information either.)

Bean listens to this explanation and the goes about his business.

Until yesterday. In the car. On the way home from an errand they were running with Aunt Bethie. Out of the blue Bean perks up.

Bean: " Mommy? How does the seed get in your tummy anyway."

Mommy: (Mommy had pretty much for gotten the previous conversation from three weeks ago.) "What? What are you talking about?"

Bean: "The seed that Daddy puts in your tummy to grow a baby. How does it get there."

There it is. That's the question. At this point Mommy should have referred him to Daddy.

Aunt Bethie starts laughing quietly in the front seat. Mommy sits there a little bewildered, not really sure how to answer this part. She knows that what she says could be something repeated on the school bus for years to come. Oh dear.

Mommy: (Figures honestly is the best policy. She takes a deep breath and prepares herself for what is about to come out of her mouth.) "It comes from Daddy's penis."

Bean: **Silence**

He remains silent for the entire ride home.

Fast forward to bed time. Bean is complaining of a sore throat. Daddy has gone to sit with him while Mommy gets her shower. Mommy walks towards Beans room and meets Daddy in the hallway.

Daddy: "I have no idea what he is talking about. He must be dreaming or something. He is talking about a seed that is used to make babies got into his throat and turned yellow and it grew a virus and that is why he has a scratchy throat. He said it was because he has a penis. What does that mean?"

Mommy: (Coughs and tries to play dumb) "Um, I have no idea where he could have gotten an idea like that."

Next time Bean asks, Mommy is going to tell him to go ask Daddy.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Fuzz Pouch

Ever since Bean was 6 months old, he has been a thumb sucker. At first it all began as a normal thumb sucking thing that just involved his thumb. Around 9 months of age, Bean began to show an affinity for anything fuzzy while he was sucking his thumb. He would hold whatever fuzzy thing he could get his hands on in his fingers, and while sucking his thumb, he would rub the fuzzy thing under his nose. Sometimes it was a corner of his blanket, sometimes a piece of lint. The older he got, the weirder it got. At one point he was stealing clumps of cat or dog hair from the pets whenever they walked by him. Then Mommy knitted a bird for Bean. It was stuffed with polyester fiberfill. Bean picked a hole in the bird and the rest is history. For 2 months (the time it takes to empty a stuffed bird of all it's fill) Mommy would find little fuzz balls all over her house. Bean would pick little bits out and use those to tickle his nose. Mommy didn't replace that bird once it was empty and the habit seemed to stop. That was about 4 months ago.

Recently, Bean found a small hole in the old couch that is in the family room. Slowly and methodically, he has been working his way in and for the last 2 weeks, Mommy has noticed the tell tale sign of this fuzz addiction.

Daddy noticed the hole in the couch getting bigger and the couch cushion getting smaller. He suggested that instead of fighting it, Mommy just make Bean a fuzz pouch and let him at it. Fuzz to his little hearts content.

Mommy: "Alright Bean. Come with me. We are going to make you a fuzz pouch. You can pick out the fabric.

Bean: "But Mommy, it won't be the same kind of fuzz"

Mommy: "Yes it is, It's the stuff you like. Remember your birdie. It's the same fuzz that was in that."

Bean: "You mean you can just get the fuzz? "

Mommy: "Yes, I have a bag of it in the garage. It's for stuffing pillows or anything that needs stuffing. I will use it to make you a fuzz pouch."

Mommy walks out to the garage with Bean and takes a large plastic bag of fiberfill out of a storage tote. Bean's eyes light up. The kid is obviously very happy with this idea.

Mommy and Bean head down to the basement sewing room. Bean picks out some car fabric. Mommy starts us her sewing machine.

Bean: "How will I get the fuzz out Mommy? "

Mommy: "I'm going to make button holes on both sides for you to pick your fuzz out. " Mommy makes the button holes, sews everything together and adds the stuffing. The fuzz pouch is complete.

Mommy: "Here, try it out."

Bean grabs a huge wad of fuzz and sticks his thumb in his mouth. He smiles.

Bean: (Speaking a little muffled, as his thumb is still in his mouth)"Yep, it's good. Perfect. Oh Mommy. I love you so much."

Mommy: (Kinda worried that she is an enabler of some sort and hoping that this isn't some weird habit that she is encouraging) "Yeah? Good. I hope you love it."

Bean: "I do Mommy. But, what will we do when this fuzz is all gone?"


Mommy: "We will just fill it up again from the big bag, and when that is gone I can buy another bag"

Bean: "You mean they just sell those bags of fuzz at a store?"

Mommy: "Yes. They have two aisles of fuzz at the sewing store. All different kinds.  All the fuzz you could ever want."

Bean: "How much fuzz do you think is in that big bag?" Pointing to the large plastic bag  on mommy's sewing table.


Mommy: (Holds here hands out) "Oh, about this much."

Bean: "But How muuuuuuch?"


Mommy: (Realizing that he wants measurements. Something concrete that he can imagine in his head. Since baking measurements are what he knows she says "About 40 cups."

An enormous smile comes over Beans face.

Bean: "40 cups of fuzz. All for me."

He marches himself upstairs and lays down on his bed. Thumb in mouth, completely strung out on fuzz.





Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mommy the Con

Mommy, Bean and Goobs are on their way to the pet store. Bean has been in a bad mood all day. A bad mood for Bean means that he starts the day off by screaming at Mommy telling her that she isn't cuddling the right way in bed in the morning, which only makes Mommy remove herself from said bed, which makes Bean scream more. The bad mood also includes Bean going on and on incessently about how nothing is fun, how he never gets to do anything he wants to, how he thinks that maybe he doesn't love Mommy as much as he loves Daddy and how he wants to put Goobs in the garbage can on trash day.

Mommy does her best to ignore Bean when he is in this kind of mood knowing that he usually acts like this when he is worried about something. Daddy has recently gotten a new job with the city and they have to move into the city limits. Mommy suspects that all of this "moving" talk and house hunting has made Bean feel a little nervous.

Bean has been complaingin all moning. Everything that Mommy has asked him to do is met with a "why" and blatant disobdience. Mommy has held it together pretty well all day. It is 4:00. Patience is wearing thin.

Mommy: "Buckle up please."

Bean: (Reaches for the belt attached to the seat in the car, not the belt that is for his child car seat. While doing this he gives Mommy the areyouwatchingme look.) "Why can't I use this seat belt yet. I want to do this one. Not the kids one."

 Mommy: "You have to buckle yourself with the child car seat. That is the safeset. Please buckle yourself up so we can go."

Bean: "Why? I don't want to. Why don't you let me do things I want to do? Why do I always have to do things that aren't fun? Why do I have to use this seat? You don't have to. How come I can't sit in the front with you?"

Mommy: (Not feeling so patient anymore) "Please buckle your seat belt. I'm not going to ask you again. Buckle up or I'm taking away your detective badge (favorite toy of the day).

Bean: "But Mommy. I'm asking you a question. Why do I have to sit in this seat? You should answer me when I ask a question."

Mommy: "You want an answer? The answer is because if you don't sit in that seat the police will pull me over and arrest me and put me in jail. I will go to jail. Do you want me to go to jail?

Bean: "Would I be able to visit you?"

Mommy: (Thinks about this long and hard. She is very aware that Bean, being the little worry wart that he is, might be slightly traumatized at the idea of his mother going to jail. Mommy is also very annoyed at this moment) "No, you wouldn't be able to visit me. They have a jail for Mommy's and they don't let the kids come visit. Now buckle up or I will have to go there."

That was three days ago and Bean hasn't asked why he needs to buckle up since.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Buttons

Bean has really begun to show an interest in getting himself dressed. He will get himself up in the morning, run to his dresser, pick out his own closes and get himself dressed. A small milestone, but it means that Mommy gets to lay in bed for an extra 10 minutes in the morning. That's the good news. The bad news is that Bean insists on buttoning his own buttons.

Bean's dexterity has always been a little lacking and so buttons have always posed a bit of a problem for him. However, since declaring himself old enough to dress himself, he has decided to tackle his button handicap and face his demons.

Mommy and Bean are in the locker room at the YMCA after a swim lesson.

Bean: "Mommy, I'm going to do my pants button by myself."

Mommy: (Feeling like the kind and patient mother that she often envisions herself as) "Great. Go ahead. You are so big now. You can do it. I know you can."

Bean: (Trying with his little fingers to manipulate the button through the button hole. He is no where close to getting it.) "Oh Mommy! It won't go!"

Mommy: (Remembering that her job as a mother is to encourage him and tell him that if he really works at something he will succeed. There is a life lesson here, Mommy knows it.) "You will get it. Just be patient and keep working at it."

Bean: (Starting to get really frustrated. His little fingers just seem incapable of doing it) "Ugh! Mommy! Why can't I do it! Ahh!"

Mommy: (Feeling that maybe this is where she is supposed to step in and guide him. That's right, she is his guide in life. He should know that he can come to her for help. That's the life lesson...maybe.) "Here, can I just help you a little?"

Bean: "No! Mommy I can do it myself. Otherwise I am not a big boy. I want to do it myself. I don't need help. This. Button. Isn't. Cooperating. With. Me!"

Mommy: (Now starting to feel a little bad for the poor guy because he clearly is having a very difficult time and is very frustrated since he has been working on the button for 10 minutes now. Problem solving. That's the life lesson. Let's try problem solving.) "How about if you lie down on the bench and try. Maybe the angle is just bad."

Bean lies down on the bench, starts working on the button then gets himself in such a tizzy about the button that he falls off the bench. He is now in tears and another mother is looking at them with sympathetic eyes.

Bean: "Oh Mommy, I'm never going to get it."

Mommy: (She is thinking to herself that he is right, he is never going to get it and why won't he let her just button the damn button already. Maybe there isn't a life lesson. Maybe it is just a button and it just needs to be buttoned. Now she is wondering why they require developmental psychology in all the liberal art colleges now. If she hadn't taken that class, maybe she wouldn't be so worried about this being a defining moment that Bean remembers. His mother in the YMCA locker room being very frustrated about a button. If this kid ever writes a novel Mommy is sure that this scene will be in it and this will either be a poignant moment about how kind and patient mothers can be or it will be about the mother who never has time to really teach her children anything and how she never seemed to have the patience for them and this character will come to question his entire existence because of the button in the locker room of the YMCA! The pressure is on.) "OK, here's what we are going to do. I will hold the button hole. You hold the button. We will do it together."

Bean: (This child will not be fooled. Crap.) "NO! That would be helping me! I don't need help!"

The other mother looks at Mommy again and smiles. As she is walking out she stops to talk to Mommy.

Locker Room Mother: "See you next week. Hey, at this rate, maybe you will still be here by the time we get back."

Mommy: (Mommy tries really hard not to shoot this woman dagger eyes.) "Ha, yeah, maybe." (Mommy was not amused.)

Bean: (Still struggling with the button, Mommy looks down and he almost has it! He says with a strained voice) "Almost there Mommy."

Mommy:  "Don't lose it Bean, you almost have it. Almost. You can do it."

And don't you just know it, he got it. Praise the Lord God Almighty, he got it. All by himself. With no help from Mommy!

Bean: (Completely unphased as if he just did something as simple as blink) "Great, now I can do all the little ones on my shirt,"

There were six of those.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Fleas?

Friday night. Mommy is on the phone with Mommom.

Mommom: "I forgot to tell you. The other day when I was over there I think I saw some fleas. I thought maybe you might want to check Ernie. "

Mommy: "Fleas? Really? That's weird. Ernie never usually gets them. He is hardly outside."

Mommy's mind starts to run away with her. Ernie has been very itchy lately. They thought it was just the seasonal allergies he usually get every spring, but now that she thinks about it, it has gone on for a while. Mommy's head feels itchy so she itches it. Great. Even though Ernie isn't allowed on the furniture or the beds, Mommy is usually too distracted with the rugrats to keep an eye on Ernie let alone reprimand him if he quietly goes and lays down somewhere he isn't supposed to. That means if he does have fleas they are on all the beds and couches. Mommy's itches her arm.

Mommy: "Kay, thanks. I better go."

Mommy itches her leg then calls up to Daddy. He comes down to the basement.

Mommy: "So, that was my Mom and she said that she saw some fleas the other day. Can you check Ernie."

Daddy: "I give him his medicine every month. He shouldn't have fleas." Daddy itches his head, then looks at Mommy a little worried. "I 'll go check."

Mommy sits down in the itchy basement and waits for Daddy to return.

Daddy: "I didn't see any thing on him. Just his rashy parts from the allergies. I just gave him some more Benedryl."

Mommy: "I knew he didn't have fleas. That would have been weird."

Daddy: "Do you think they came from the boys?"

Mommy: "The fleas?"

Daddy: "Well, the bugs. Maybe they weren't fleas. Maybe they were just bugs. Don't kids get bugs?"

Mommy and Daddy just look at each other with a bit of a frightened look on their faces. Then they both give a sort of unconvinced half-laugh, because their kids wouldn't have bugs, would they?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Winner

Well, Mommy's first giveway is offically closed and we have a winner. There were 5 comments, left by 4 different readers. I'm thinking that maybe I need to beef up my readership. I could have sworn there were more than 5 people who read this blog, like family (you know who you are sisters, mother, father, aunts) and friends (I swear I have some).


And the winner is:

Kassia (comment #2).

And, if I may say so, she is one lucky lady because the little bag is super cute.

Enjoy Kassia! Watch for more giveaways because even though I didn't have hundreds of comments (I'll admit it was a fantasy I had), it was fun to connect with people and I loved the comments. They did all make me feel much better and that perhaps I'm not as crappy a mother as I sometimes think I am.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mommy's First Giveaway

Mommy's sister Bethie sent her some Liberty of London fabric for Mommy's birthday. Bethie got it for Mommy during her last excursion to London and made Mommy promise that she would make something for herself with it, and not give it away. So, Mommy made herself a beautiful new little lap quilt.
 





















Bean is sitting on the couch watching a show during a short rest time when Mommy comes in and sits on the couch with Bean so that she can work on the binding of her new lovely, girly, purple quilt.

Bean: "Oh Mommy, that is soooo pretty."

Mommy: "Thanks. It's from the fabric Aunt Bethie sent me."

Bean: "Oh Mommy! Is it for me?"

Mommy: "No, actually it is for me. I finally made myself a quilt. This is just for me."

Bean: "I think you should share it with me Mommy."

Mommy: (Wondering where the whole sharing thing ends and how to let him know that the fact that she shared her uterus with him for 9 months and her breasts with him for a full year means she doesn't really have to share anything with him ever again if she chooses not to.) "Well, no. I'm not going to share it with you. This quilt is just for me. I made it for myself. I already made you your own quilt. It's upstairs. If you would really like another one, we can talk about that. But this is mine. I'm not sharing it with you."

Bean: (Frowning at Mommy like she often does at him) "Mommy, (insert dramatic pause) that's selfish and selfish isn't nice."

Mommy furrows her own brow. She is determined not to cave. This quilt is made out of Liberty of London fabric. $36 a yard. It's hard to come by here in the States. Mommy wasn't about to part with it, even if it was selfish.

Mommy: "Well, I guess I am being selfish. This was a gift to me from Aunt Bethie and I really love it. I want to keep it for myself."

Mommy hears herself say these things and realizes that she does in fact sound pretty selfish and for a moment she actually considers handing the quilt over to Bean. Then she looks around and realizes that she has shared her body, her brain and her entire life with these little rug-rats and that they should be grateful.

Mommy: "Yeah, I'm keeping it. But maybe you can borrow it."

So in order to keep Mommy's selfishness at bay, she is giving away a little zipper bag (like the ones she sells on etsy) made with some of the Liberty of London fabric. It's perfect for your little lips glosses or chap sticks. Just leave a comment reassuring Mommy that she isn't a horrible selfish mother or telling why you are a selfish Mommy and you will be entered into the drawing. Leave comments by 11:50 pm Saturday May 14th and I will draw the winner at random and post who won.

Here's to being selfish!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Detective Bean to the Rescue

Monday evening. Bath time (why does everything seem to happen at bath time?) Daddy is already upstairs with Bean and Goobs. Mommy was taking her 10 minute break in the basement while Daddy changed out of his suit and spent some time getting the boys good and hyper before bedtime. Mommy doesn't have the nerve to complain about it though because she gets to go down to her basement for 10 sweet, delicious, quiet, peaceful minutes and just sit and stare at nothing in particular. She has heard the bath water start, which is her cue to head upstairs and begin the bedtime ritual.

There are many parenting decisions that Mommy second guesses herself on. But, one of the best decisions she ever made as a mother was setting a 7:00 bedtime for her young children. This is her sanity. No matter how bad the day is, no matter how exhausted she feels, no matter how many time she has heard herself say "no" and "please stop that" and "get off the dinning room table" and "keep you hands to yourself" and "please, please for the love of God you two, just be still for a moment" she can know that at 7:00 it all stops and they both pass out and are not heard from again until 6:30 am the following morning.

Mommy makes it upstairs and Daddy is in the bathroom getting the tub filled with bubbles and toys. Bean and Goobs are both standing in Goobs' crib.

Goobs: "Mama, up. Run run run bathroom. Goobs out!"

Mommy lifts Goobs out of the crib, strips him down and watches as he runs buck naked into the bathroom. Meanwhile, Bean is still in Goobs' crib, talking to himself about arresting and catching bad people. He has his detective hat on and his police badge in his pocket, which is where he keeps it when he is being an undercover detective. Mommy works on picking a few things up in Goobs' room. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Bean climb out of the crib and go into Mommy's room.

Mommy: "Kay Bean, get in that tub. Time for a bath."

Bean: "In a minute Mommy."

Mommy: "No, not in a minute. Now please."

Bean: "OK Mommy."  Mommy should have been suspicious at how little he protested. But she was too tired to register it.

Bath time continues and after everyone is clean they are hoisted out, dried off and jammied. Mommy is on Goobs duty tonight, Daddy gets Bean. Mommy has diapered, dressed and sleep sacked Goobs and he has read his current favorite book "Dance Little Pookie" 4 times.  Mommy starts tucking him in and notices that "B" and Friend are missing. "B" is his worn out smell bear that he chews on, sucks on, hugs, squeezes and loves. Friend is the identical bear that Mommy bought to have as a back up which has now become the Friend of B. Both of them need to come to bed with Goobs. That didn't exactly work out as Mommy intended, but never the less, both are necessary for bedtime. Tonight, both are missing.

Mommy: "Daddy, have you seen B and Friend?"

Daddy: "They were both in the crib when I put him in there before I started the water. Where did they go?"

Mommy: "I don't know. They were there when I took Goobs out of the crib and left..."

It occurs to Mommy that they may not have magically disappeared.

Mommy: "Bean, have you seen B and Friend."

Bean: (In his room with Daddy getting ready for bed) "No  Mommy. I don't know where they could possibly be."

Mommy: "Are you sure? They were in the crib with you the last time I looked."

Bean: "I don't know where they are Mommy. Maybe Detective Bean knows where they are."

Mommy: "Well do me a favor, ask detective Bean where "B" and Friend are. Goobs wants to go to bed and he can't without them."

Bean hops down from his bed and runs to the doorway of Mommy's room. He spreads his arms out as far as they will go in an attempt to block anyone from entering Mommy's room.

Bean: (With a huge grin on his face) "Detective Bean doesn't know where they could possibly be."

Mommy: (From her doorway, Mommy can see "B" and Friend under her bed) "I think that detective Bean had better find them or regular boy Bean will have to give Goobs his cozy blanket to sleep with tonight.

Bean runs and retrieves the two bears from their hiding place, brushes off the dust bunnies and hands them both to Mommy.

Bean: "Detective Bean saves the day!"

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Another Top Ten

I've had a few inquires as to why the blog has been so sporadic lately. Here's an update.

Top Ten Reasons Mommy Can't Blog as Often as She Would Like:

10. Sickness - Someone in the house has been sick with something (including the dog) since Thanksgiving. No joke. There have been a total of two weekend all winter (and in upstate NY winter lasts 6 months) that the whole family has been healthy.

9. Exhaustion - See above.

8. New Baby - Not my new baby, but my little sister's. She's a mom now. Which is so very exciting and I am over the moon about it and he is just the most delicious baby ever and I just love him to bits and pieces already even though I haven't met him yet because they are all the way over in Germany and it is killing me that I don't get to smell him. As you can see I am very overcome with emotion about the whole thing which has made me distracted and unable to write.

7.  Engagement - My older sister got engaged. It was a big deal. We met the fiance (Pfewf, he is a keeper and we all love him.) There was an engagement party, a full 3 day weekend of making wedding plans and some serious exhaustion. Happy exhaustion, but exhaustion.

6. Broken Computer - See this post for details. New computer has arrived, hence the post you are reading.

5. Goobs - First let me say, I love him. He is my son and I love him very much and have always been very glad that he is in our lives. Having said that...the kid is a maniac! At the end of the day (which is when i used to write) I collapse on the couch and it takes 3 hours to recover. He is only 21 months old but he can rival the activity of a set of 2 year old twins. The kid is a tornado. Loveable, and delicious, and sweet and yummy. But a tornado and my life is complete chaos.






4. Bean - I guess it is only fair to list Bean as a reason as well. But, he is getting older and is actually the easier of the two at this point. I remember  being mortified once when I read an article about a mother who confessed to having a favorite child. She admitted that while she loved them all, there were time when one was more enjoyable than the other. I'm not so mortified now. Of course each stage of development has its ups and downs, but 4 is kinda nice. Not that Bean is my favorite of course, because there is nothing, I say, nothing cuter than Goobs's tushy running down the hall at bath time, but the fact that Bean is past the stage of playing with everything in my kitchen drawers and scattering it all over the floor is kinda nice.



3. Ernie - The dog has been getting into the diapers. He used to get the kitchen trash. Now he is interested in wet diapers (thankfully all dirty ones go outside immediately). Anyone seen a wet diaper after it has been ripped apart by a dog? Not pretty. Cleanup involves a lot of vacuuming. And, just when I have had enough and I vow to open the door and let the blasted dog run free and not look for him, Goobs runs and gets a bone from the pantry and gives it to Ernie who ever so gently gets it out of the baby's hand and eats it then give Goobs a big old lick on the face as if to say, "Thanks man, at least someone is looking out for me and now we have a special bond because I have an awful lot of your pee in my belly." Then Goobs lets out a huge squeal and hugs the dog and says, "Ernie, Kiss" and kisses Ernie and then I remember that Goobs's first steps were taken to the stinkin' dog and that the two of them are buddies and I can't get rid of the dog any more than I can get rid of Goobs.



2. Goobs - Did I mention him already? Well, here he is again because he is just that crazy. Good grief I love him. Sad thing is, there is something very endearing about his mischievousness and how he does things just to make Bean mad, like turn off the TV when Bean is watching a show and then run to the other room. Or trying to steal cozy blanket from Bean. It's like there is some primal instinct we younger siblings have to push our older siblings buttons. Onward Goobs. You do your mother proud!


1. Motherhood - It's been busy.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Mr. Rochester Fassbender

Dear Michael Fassbender:

According to my records you now owe me a whopping $613.75. Below is a breakdown of the debt incurred because of your charm.


4/5/11 - Item: Computer - $550. The cost of replacing the computer that I completely destroyed by dumping an entire large cup of coffee on it while watching the preview to Jane Eyre in anticipation of seeing it on the big screen on Friday of the same week.

4/5/11 - Item: Large Coffee - $4.50: See above.


4/9/11 - Item: Sauce Ingredients - $2.75: Burned while watching this clip 6 times in a row on You Tube.



4/9/11 - Item: High End Teflon Pot - $45.00 - Ruined by burned sauce (see above) after finding this clip of Jane Eyre on You Tube after burning sauce.




4/10/11 - Item: Admission Ticket - $8.00: Price of admission for me to see this movie a second time in three days, adding to the over all obsession. You are not being charged for the first ticket because I made a conscious choice to see this movie and was not yet under your influence.

4/11/11 - Item: Kitchen Cart Drawer Repair - $10.00: Price of repairs to a kitchen drawer that Goobs pulled out and threw on the floor while I was reading passages of Jane Eyre for the third time in three days. Usually when I read this book (4-5 times a year) I am able to read from beginning to end without getting caught up. But, for some reason, this time through I find myself stopping at certain passages wondering how you would say it.

4/11/11 - Item: Diet Coke (2 cans) $1.50 - The cost of replacing two cans of diet coke that Goobs dumped out on the living room floor while watching this interview of you on You Tube.



And, if I start reading romance novels I reserve the right to bill you for my expensive college education and degree in English literature that was to guarantee me a lifetime of good taste in literature which you may have completely ruined by turning me into a simpering twit who has become disgustingly sentimental.

For the personal safety of my children, my sanity and the general state of my home, I must part from you and your lovely Irish brogue.

I'll have my people contact your people about where you can send your payment. Thank you.

Sincerely Yours,

Etc...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Poor Ernie

Ernie has a slipped disk. The vet told Daddy that Ernie needs to rest and be as still as possible for the next few weeks. The vet then suggested using Ernie's crate to keep him still. So, yesterday after getting back from the vet, Daddy dutifully got the crate out of the garage and got it all set up for Ernie so he could have a little R&R. Guess how that turned out.




















Ernie spent the day under the dining room table. Goobs appears to have gotten some rest though.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Going Out

It's 2:45 pm and nap time is over. Mommy is itching to get out of the house so she suggests a quick stop at Target to get Daddy's preferred poop bags (for the dog) and some AAA batteries for Bean's new head lamp.  If everyone is well behaved, Mommy's promises to stop at the library on the way home. Everyone is happy about the plan. Then Bean sees his bike helmet.

Bean: (In the family room at one end of the house. He puts on the bike helmet and hops on his green 4 wheel indoor bike) "Ok Mommy. I just need to ride into the living room and I will put my socks on."

Mommy: "Ok, well ride in there and gets your socks and shoes on and then run to the potty while you are at it so we don't have to go while we are out."

Bean: "I'm a police office Mommy. You have to say 'put your socks on Police Officer Bean'."

Mommy: "Fine, please put your socks and shoes on Police Officer Bean and then got potty."

Bean: "Mommy, do police officers go potty?"

Mommy: "Yes, everyone goes potty."

Bean: "Even firefighters?"

Mommy: Yes, even firefighters. Go get your socks on!"

Bean: "Even firefighter Sean?"

Firefighter Sean is the brother of a friend of Mommy's. Firefighter Sean graciously gave them all a tour of his firehouse and since then Bean has been slightly obsessed.

Mommy: (Blushing to herself because she really doesn't want to think about firefighter Sean, attractive, single and well, a firefighter, using the potty) "Yes Bean, even firefighter Sean uses the potty. Now, GO GET YOUR SOCKS ON!"

Bean rides his bike into the living room. He gets off his bike, takes off his bike helmet, then sets the helmet down on the bike. He picks up his John Deere baseball cap that has a homemade sheriff's badge taped to the front, puts the baseball hat on, and goes to the couch and starts putting his socks on. Mommy has been standing there silently watching.

Mommy: "What was that all about. Why the change of hats?"

Bean: "That is what police officers do when they get off of thier bikes. They put their regular police hat on instead of their police helmet. Probably their police helmets have a police badge on them, right? Will you make me a police badge for my bike helmet.?"

Mommy: (Looking at the clock which now says 3:00. It has taken 15 minutes just to get a pair of socks on this kid. Meanwhile, Goobs is beginning to overheat and get a little grumpy in his coat and hat that Mommy put on him at the beginning of the process.) "Sure, whatever. Just go put your shoes on. They are in the kitchen."

Bean: (Gets down from the couch, goes over to his bike, takes off his baseball/sheriff hat, puts his bike helmet back on, gets on his bike and begins fiddling with his bike helmet to clip the strap) "Police Officer Bean, off to rescue the shoes."

Mommy: "What! What are you doing. No riding your bike. Go get your shoes."

Bean: "Mommy, I have to drive my police bike."

Mommy: "Well drive and get them. What are you doing? Why are you just sitting there?"

Bean: "Mommy, I have to clip my helmet. Otherwise it isn't safe. Police officers always wear their helmets."

Mommy: (Mommy closes her eyes takes a very dramatic deep breath.) "Ok, well can I help you with that clasp so we can move things along?"

Bean: (Looks at Mommy as if she is the silliest person in the world) "Mommy, police officer don't have their Mommy's help them."

Mommy: (Another dramatic deep breath) "Fine."

Bean finally manages to get his helmet secured, rides his bike to the kitchen, picks up his shoes, rides back to the living room, gets off the bike,switches hats, sits on the couch and puts his sneakers on. All the while muttering something about bad guys and catching people.

Meanwhile in the kitchen...

Goobs: "Mama. Skootch chair. Mama up sink."

Mommy looks and finds Goobs at the kitchen sink. He has managed to turn the faucet on and the front of him is soaked. She gets him down and goes searching for another coat to put on him.

Mommy: "Bean, when you have finished putting on your shoes, please go and use the potty."

The clock now says 3:15. Thirty minutes since the process began. Mommy really wants to get out.

Bean finishes putting on his shoes. Mommy is in the living room putting another coat on Goobs. Bean gets off the couch, goes over to his bike, takes off his baseball hat...you get the idea. He rides his bike out to the family room, parks it, switches his hat, AGAIN, and goes to the bathroom. He ever so slowly pulls up his underwear and pants, then washes his hands. At this point Mommy is pretty sure she might actually die from the pokiness that is her own son.

Mommy: "Ok, so, are you done. Let's go get your coat on."

Bean motions to go over to his bike and do the whole hat switching thing.

Mommy: (Trying to sound much calmer that she feels) "Alright. I am taking Goobs out to the car and putting him in. When I get back, you need to have your coat on. I don't care how you do it, just get it done. It is on the couch waiting for you."

Mommy goes out to the car and straps Goobs in. She goes back inside and there is Bean with his coat on and his bike helmet.

Bean: "Mommy, I decided to pretend that the car is my bike. Can I wear my helmet to the store."

Mommy:(Relieved that he is actually going to get in the car) "Yes! Absolutely! Yes! Great. Let's get in the car police officer Bean. I mean, let's get on that bike. Let's go!"

Bean is very pleased. Mommy looks at the clock when she finally manages to get herself into the car. 3:30 pm. 45 minutes to get ready to get some poop bags and batteries.

Daddy better appreciate those poop bags.






















Sunday, March 13, 2011

Bean the Consumer

Today Mommy, Daddy, Bean and Goobs all went to the store together to get a belt and some new shoes for Daddy. Being that Mommy is super duper classy and not at all cheap, they first went to Marshalls hoping to get a good deal on both shoes and belt. Mommy doesn't usually just buy things for Bean willy-nilly, but he had gotten all his stickers on his chore chart for the last two weeks and she had promised him something. So, after helping Daddy pick out some shoes, Mommy and Bean stopped by the toy section. Anyone who has been to Marshalls knows that this section is a mish-mash of unwanted toys from last year. Sometimes there are a few good finds, but most often there is nothing. Mommy directs Bean to the clearance shelf.

Bean: (Pulling a large Star Wars mask off the shelf) "Mommy, can I get this? Is this too expensive?"

Mommy: (Looks at the really ugly toy. It is big and it is loud. Not something Mommy wants floating around the house. She doesn't even look at the price tag) "Yep, too expensive. Find something different."

Bean: (Pulls a truck and small car that have Spiderman on them) "Oh Mommy! This is it. This is what I want. Look! Spiderman!"

Mommy takes the toys and looks it over. Size is right. Doesn't make noise. Price is right. The only problem is that Mommy has worked really had to limit Bean's exposure to all those commercial things that kids seem to become obsessed about. It isn't for any real moral reason except that this stuff is everywhere; cereal, granola bars, sneakers, underwear, it is hard to escape the princesses or superheros wherever you go. Ever since Bean started preschool he has been asking lots of questions about Star Wars and various superheros. Mommy and Daddy have just sort of avoided the subject and danced around the issue. Looks like it is do or die here. Mommy has to make a decision. Does she let this toy into the house. It is just a truck really and seems relatively harmless on its own. But does buying this toy mean that she is now condoning the mass commercialization of our children and handing her own children over to those greedy mega corporations that are too willing to allow her child to become a mindless drone.

Maybe she is putting too much thought into this. It's just a truck Mommy.

Mommy: "Sure, I guess this is fine. Let's go find Daddy."

Mommy and Bean search for Daddy and Goobs and they manage to find them in the miscellaneous section. Bean shows Daddy the Spiderman truck and car.

Bean: "Look Daddy, it has spiderman on it."

Daddy: "Oh, well, I found something else I thought you might like. You will have to pick though. You can only have one."

Daddy proceeds to show Bean a flashlight that can be worn on your head.

Daddy: "This could be good for detective work and looking in dark places. And it's great for rescue work."

Bean looks down at the cheap, plastic, over-commercialized toy in his hand and then he looks at the headlamp that Daddy is holding. He doesn't hesitate for a second.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Sweet Dreams

It's Thursday morning and Bean and Mommy are driving to swimming lessons. Goobs is at home with Mommom. Mommy is only half paying attention because she thinks of her time in the car as her zone out time. The kids are strapped in, there is nothing that they can do to themselves or each other, so she doesn't need to give them her full attention. Bean is in the back chattering away as usual.

Bean: (finishing up a conversation he was having with Mommy that she didn't quite hear all of) "...did you see that Mommy? You were there, did you see how that was?"

Mommy: "What honey? Did I see what."

Bean: "Lightening McQueen and how he was showing us how to trap the birds. You were there Mommy, didn't you see it?"

Mommy: "What are you talking about honey?"

Bean: "My dream Mommy. Did you see it."

Mommy: "Oh, it was something in your dream? No I didn't see that honey."

Bean: "Why not Mommy? But you were there?"

Mommy: "Well, it was your dream. I don't see your dreams. They are only in your head. You are the only one who sees your dreams."

Bean: "Oh. I thought that if you were in them you would see them too."


Mommy: "No, that isn't how it works. What were you and I doing in your dream."

Bean: "Oh, just sitting on the yellow couch."

Mommy: "We were just sitting there. What were we doing."

Bean: "Just talking. It was nice."

And suddenly Mommy finds herself crying. Nothing to alarming, just a significant eye watering. She is in Beans dreams at night and he thinks they are nice dream. For some odd reason this makes her feel like a really good Mom. And before she can dwell too long on this warm fuzzy feeling, she is faced, once again, with the fact she is this kids mother, something that still sends her reeling at times. The fact that she is anyone's mother is a bit startling to her at times. Now he is dreaming about her. Sure, they are nice dreams now. But, when he starts having bad dreams about her does that mean she has totally screwed up and damaged his psyche somehow.

And this is the problem with parenthood people. As soon as you realize you have done something right, the weight of all you have left to do hits you like a ton of bricks. He's only 4. There is still plenty of time to screw it all up.

Then Mommy looks at him in the rear view mirror.

Bean: (Looking at the window at some pigeons sitting on top of a street lamp, he starts waving and yelling at the top of his lungs) "Hi there Birds. Hi! My name is Bean."

Whatever. He's introducing himself to birds. Best not to think about it too much Mommy.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Sir Bean

Bean is into knights. He watched one Backyardigans in which they were knights and he was sold. It is Saturday morning, and they are all eating pancakes.

Bean: "Mommy, do you have any metal?"

Mommy: "What? Metal? What do you mean, 'Do I have metal'?

Bean: "Extra metal Mommy. I want some metal so I can make something."

Mommy does a quick brain scan trying to figure out what Bean could possibly want to make with metal.

Daddy: (Having been a 4 year old boy himself once, Daddy understands perfectly what is going on) "Does this have anything to do with a suit of armor?"

Bean: "Yes! I need some metal to make some armor. I need a sword and a shield and a helmet. I think we can use the crin toil Mommy."

Mommy: "What? What is crin toil?"

Bean: "Mommy, the crin toil that you use in the kitchen."

Mommy: "Oh, the tin foil. It's called tin foil. Maybe you could use that. Cardboard covered with tin foil would look like armor."

So Daddy, being the especially wonderful and creative Daddy that he is, spent the morning making a suit of armor, a sword, a shield (made from one of Mommy's round pizza pans) and a helmet (a bowl covered in tin foil).

Bean comes running upstairs to show Mommy his new costume.

Bean: Mommy! I'm a knight! (He stands in front of Mommy, and then with perfect poise as if he has actually been trained, he bows to Mommy.)

Mommy: (Slightly taken aback because the bow was actually really good and he is so cute) "Oh wow! My knight in shining armor. Hello Knight Bean."

Bean: "No Mommy. It's Sir Bean. You call a knight Sir."

Mommy: "Right, well excuse me. But, I'm Queen Mommy so I can call you whatever I want."

Bean: "No, I don't think you should be Queen Mommy. You are just a person. We can pretend that the Queen is someone else."

Mommy: "That's not much fun. I'm regular Mommy all the time."


Bean: "I didn't say regular Mommy, I said regular Person. You aren't Mommy. I'm Sir Bean, and I'm in charge."

Mommy let Sir Bean continue under the assumption that she was no longer Mommy, but merely a regular person until lunch time, when she made Sir Bean de-knight himself and come to the lunch table.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

One Helper Too Many

This morning Mommy looked up at the ceiling fan in her kitchen and was a little disgusted by the amount of dust that had accumulated on it. Mommy decided that before they ran their errands, she would get the vacuum out and clean the fan.

Mommy: "OK, I need to vacuum in the kitchen. Bean, can you be a helper and just sit on the couch."

Mommy goes to the closet and gets out the vacuum. Ernie comes and stands at the closet door and begins to bark. Then, as the vacuum is emerging from the closet, he make and attempt to attack it. He manages to bite the hose.

Mommy: "Honestly Ernie, it isn't even on yet. Please. Back up."

Goobs: (Running over to the vacuum) "Vacuum. Vacuum. Mama Up."

Goobs then wraps himself around Mommy's leg. Ernie continues to bark at the vacuum.

Meanwhile, Bean has been putting on his fire fighter outfit, complete with helmet. He is now standing directly behind Mommy.

Bean: (Making motions as if he is directing traffic) "OK everyone, stand back. Break it up, break it up. Keep back. Danger."

Bean then proceeds to try and 'move' (push) Goobs out of the way. Ernie has now placed himself between Mommy's legs and is still barking and growling at the vacuum. The closet door is still open. Goobs has the brush attachment and is now making vacuum sounds and pretending to vacuum the dog.

Mommy: "Please! Could everyone please back up and go to the other side of the room. I just want to get the vacuum out for heavens sake. Can't I even get it out of the closet?!"

Bean: (Still directing traffic) "Back it up please. Please stand back. Danger." (He is now attempting to move the dog, who isn't having any of it.)

Goobs: (Tugging at Mommy's pants) "Mama, up. Mama uuuuuuuuuuuppppp!"

Ernie now grabs a firm hold on the base of the vacuum causing it to come crashing down on Mommy's foot.

Mommy sighs, looks at the ceiling fan in her kitchen again and turns it on. She figures she won't be able to see the dust on it anymore as it turns around.

What are your household task disasters? Please do tell. My house is a mess and I need some consoling.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Tilt-a-Mommy

Mommy, Bean and Goobs are at the Play museum. There is a carousel on the way out and it is tradition that as they leave they ride it. Today is no different.

The last time they were at the play museum, Daddy was with them and he introduced Bean and Goobs to the tilt-a-whirl seat on the carousel. You know, that one that you can spin around really, really fast while the carousel is already going around in circles.


Bean: "Mommy, I want to go on the twirly seat. Let's all sit there. Then we can sit together. Daddy showed it to us."

Mommy: "Um, can't we just do the up and down horsies. The round and round one isn't my favorite."

Bean: "Oh Mommy, please. I love it. Love it! Daddy does it."

Mommy: (Not to be outdone by Daddy) "Ok, I guess."

They get on the carousel and sit in the twirly seat. Bean is in the seat next to Mommy, Goobs is on Mommy's lap. The ride starts.


Bean: "Kay Mommy, turn the wheel so we go round and round."

Mommy turns the wheel. Round and round they go.

Goobs: "Wheeeeee. Ma Ma. Go Round."

Bean: "Haaa haa. Yeah Mommy!"

Mommy: "Uhhhhh, ugh."

Bean: "More twirling Mommy! Twirl us again."

Mommy: (Makes sure she has a good grip on Goobs and shuts her eyes, hoping that if she can't see everything going around, maybe she won't feel it.) "Oh man, I think I might lose my lunch."

Bean: "What does it mean when you say 'lose your lunch' Mommy?"

Mommy: (Still twirling and spinning) "It's another way of saying throw up. Sometimes when people go on rides like this, it makes their tummy's upset and they feel sick."

Bean: "Oh. Does your tummy feel sick Mommy?"

All this tummy talk makes Goobs feel the need to reach down and try to pull up his shirt to reveal his tummy. He isn't able to untuck his own shirt, so in order to get his belly fix, he pulls up Mommy's shirt...on the carousel...while they are all spinning around and around and around.

Mommy: (Still twirling and quickly grabbing at her shirt) "Um, Goobs, let's leave Mommy's shirt alone. (Thinking to herself 'dear God, won't this ride ever end.) "Yes, I do feel sick. Bean, promise me you will remember this moment, and when you are an adult and mad at me about something, please remember that I took you on this. Please remember how green my face looks and know that I did this just because I love you."

Bean: "OK Mommy. I will remember when I am 12."

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Bath

Friday night. Almost time for Daddy to come home. Bean, Goobs and Mommy are all in the family room reading stories, playing and quietly enjoying each others company. Everyone is fed and happy. Things are actually a little peaceful. Then they hear Daddy's car pull in the driveway.

Bean: (Screaming at the top of this lungs) "Daddy's Home! I hear Daddy! Quick Hide!"

Goobs: "Da Da. Ahh! Hide! (Screaming ensues)


Ernie: "Bark! Bark! Bark!

Needless to say, even though she is happy to see Daddy at the end of a day, this is one of her least favorite times of the day because the whole house becomes very, very loud.

Ernie: "Whine, Bark, Howl, Bark, Bark, Bark."


Bean and Goobs, along with Ernie, run up the stairs to hind under the covers on Mommy and Daddy's bed and surprise Daddy when he comes in to change his clothes. Bean hides under the covers, Goobs stands at the side of the bed screaming "hide" and Ernie jumps on the bed barking at Bean under the covers.

Daddy enters the room. It is dark, because Bean turned the lights off, but the noise leaves Daddy no doubt where everyone is.

Daddy: "Oh No! Where is my family? Where could everyone be?"

Bean and Goobs both yell surprise, and start running around the upstairs, screaming. They aren't screaming anything in particular. They are just screaming for screaming sake. Mommy doesn't usually allow this kind of behavior inside. But it is 6:25 pm by now and she only has to endure it for 5 more minutes before bath and bedtime starts. She has also laid down on the bed (big mistake) and she can't seem to pry herself up.


Daddy: "Should we be letting them run around like this screaming?"

Mommy: "Well, at least they are doing it together and not fighting. They are kinda playing together. I'm too tired. I'm sick of my voice today. I feel like I have been saying 'no!' and 'stop it!' all day. I'm sitting this one out. Your call."

Daddy: "Well, I'll go start the bath. By the time i get my clothes changed it will be time for bed anyway."

Daddy goes to start the bath and then comes back in to change his clothes. Mommy and Daddy are about 4 sentences into a conversation when Mommy realizes it's quiet.

Mommy: "Where are they?"

Daddy: (Goes rushing into the bathroom) "Um, Mommy. You might want to get the camera."

This can't be good.




















According to Bean, it was Goobs' idea and he only agreed to it after Goobs went in, shoes and all.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Privacy

Bean and Daddy are in the family room listening to a CD.

Bean: "Daddy, is music invisible?" (Bean has been obsessed with the idea of something being able to exist but not be visible.)

Daddy: Yes, you can hear music but you can't see it, so it's invisible."

Bean: (Thinking on this) "What about love Daddy?  Is love invisible?"

Daddy: "Yep, love is invisible, but we know it is there because we feel it, right?"


Bean: "Yes Daddy."

Mommy comes into the family room and hands Goobs to Daddy.

Mommy: "I need to use the bathroom. Can you hang onto Goobs for a second. He is being really clingy."

Daddy: "Sure"

Mommy goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. The bathroom is attached to the family room. Daddy puts down Goobs down and he runs straight to the bathroom door.

Goobs: "Mama! In! Mama! Goobs! In! Mama! Up!" (The wailing and crying continues while Goobs bangs on the bathroom door.)

Goob manages to get the door open and there is Mommy. Daddy and Bean are still in the family room and as soon as Bean sees the bathroom door open he runs in. The bathroom is very small. Daddy is sitting in the family room alone and Bean and Goobs are crowded in the bathroom with Mommy. Goobs is trying to climb on Mommy's lap and Bean is trying to climb on the sink so he can play with the water. Mommy glares at Daddy.


Daddy: "Hey Bean, do you know what else is invisible?"

Bean: "What Daddy?"

Daddy: "Mommy's Privacy."

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Tweetos

Mommy has just awoken. She is still bleary eyed from the Imitrex she took the night before to get rid of a migraine. She just needs a cup of coffee and everything will be OK. She carries Goobs downstairs and Bean is hanging onto her night gown as they walk down the stairs. Bean and Goobs of course are wide awake and ready to start the day.

Mommy puts down Goobs and goes down to the basement to get a new bag of Cheerios. She comes back upstairs and sees that Daddy has already gotten a new bag and it is on the table.

Mommy goes to the fridge to get the milk. Bean goes to the table and sits. Goobs heads straight for the open bag of Cheerios sitting on the table.

Bean: (Screaming and crying from the dining room) "Oh No! Mommy! Goobs got the Cheerios! Oh Mommy I'm so hungry! What will we do!"

Mommy comes rushing into the dining room and finds this:





































Goobs: (Looks at Mommy and very matter-of-factly says ) "Tweetos" (his word for Cheerios).

He then lays down in the Tweetos and starts flinging them all over, while singing "Tweetos" over and over.

Mommy sighs. She is too tired to get mad. She sees the camera, shrugs her shoulders and takes a picture. She puts the dog upstairs (the vacuum and he are mortal enemies) and she gets the vacuum out. She then takes Goobs upstairs and puts him in the bathroom with Daddy who is in the shower. She comes back downstairs and finds Bean sitting among the floor tweetios.

Mommy: "Why are you sitting in the Cheerios. That is going to make more of a mess. Please get up."

Bean: "Mommy, I will just stay here and tell you how to clean them up the correct way."

Mommy: "Oh, you are going to tell me the correct way to do things huh? Well, whatever, just don't get in the way of the vacuum."

Mommy starts up the vacuum. She then looks up at Bean (who is wearing his bike helmet, only God knows why) and he is yelling something at her. She can't hear because of the vacuum, so she turns it off.

Bean: (Still yelling, not realizing he doesn't have to anymore, he points to the floor that is covered, completely covered, with Cheerios) "Mommy, you missed one there." He bends down and points to one Cheerio in a pile of thousands.

Mommy: " Uh, thanks. I'll be sure to get that one."

Mommy finishes vacuuming and she goes upstairs to get Goobs so Daddy can finish getting dressed for work.

Daddy: "He wasn't very happy with you putting him up here."

Mommy: "Oh, really? Is it because he wanted to roll around in the Cheerios on the floor some more?"

Then Mommy looked down and saw this:




















and she actually felt a little bad that she had cleaned up all the Tweetios and spoiled his fun.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Sick Day?

It's Tuesday. Tuesday is Mommy's work day. Mommom and Poppop come to the house and watch the boys while Mommy goes to work. Today Poppop came to pick Bean and Goobs up and take them back to their house for the day. 9:00 am and Mommy is helping Poppop load the boys into his car. Mommy kisses them goodbye and watches as they drive off. Mommy walks into the house.

Mommy is a little ashamed of the thoughts that went through her head when she entered the empty quiet house. Is that a tickle in my throat?" she thought to herself. "Maybe I have a sinus headache." "Do I have a little stomach ace?" She was trying to find something, anything wrong with her to justify a sick day.

She couldn't stop thinking about the pile of gifts that she wants to finish in her sewing room. Or the knitting bag which is full of items screaming to be worked on while sitting in front of the television watching day-time tv.

There she stood in the doorway. Listening to the silence and soaking up emptiness. No one would be the wiser if she just stayed home. Nothing important was going on at work today. No one would miss her. She could have a whole day to herself.

Then Ernie walked up behind her and nudged her with his nose, pushing her toward the door. He whined.

Mommy: (Looking at Ernie) "What's your deal. Should I stay home today or what?"

Ernie let out a bark at Mommy and gave her another nudge toward the door.

Mommy can take a hint. Apparently Ernie needs his alone time as well.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Bath Time

What's better than this?





















Not much.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Silence

Sunday night. 10:30 pm. Mommy is upstairs taking her shower and getting ready for bed. Daddy is downstairs reading. Usually about this time Bean makes his way into Mommy's room and settles himself in her bed. When he does this, Daddy and Ernie will sleep in Bean's room because then Daddy doesn't have to sleep with someone's feet in his back all night.  For a long time, Mommy thought this was a bad idea. But then a friend pointed out that if everyone is sleeping well what was wrong with it. Mommy thought a lot about this and decided that this arrangement really is nothing but positive. Bean sleeps well because he is with Mommy and he never has a night terror when he is with her. (Any of you parents who have experienced these at 2:00am know what a relief this is.) Daddy sleeps well because he isn't worried about keeping Mommy awake with his snoring and he isn't constantly being punched during the night because he is keeping Mommy awake. And, Mommy sleeps well because she isn't listening for Bean, waiting for a dreaded night terror, and she doesn't have to listen to Daddy or Ernie's snoring.

Bean always starts out the night in his room. Tonight he is still in there when Daddy comes up to bed. So, Daddy and Ernie come into Mommy's room and she wakes up immediately.

Mommy: "Oh, you aren't Bean. Weird. Well, I guess he is content. I'm not going to bother him. Goodnight."


Daddy: "I am sure that as soon as we start to drift off to sleep he will come in."

Mommy and Daddy lay there for a while. About 15 minutes later...

Mommy: "Are you asleep?"

Daddy: "No."

Mommy: "Me either. It's too quiet. Do you think they are alive."

Daddy: "Do you want to go check."

Mommy: "No way. Just weird how quiet it is."

Mommy continues to lay there. The silence continues. All Mommy can hear is the very quiet hum of the humidifier that she paid extra for because it was supposed to be so quiet. And it is quiet. A little too quiet. It is unnerving.


Mommy: "Are you awake?"

No response. Daddy is clearly asleep, but Mommy can't even hear him breathing, let alone snoring. Ernie is completely silent. Mommy listens very closely for some noise from either of the boys rooms. Nothing. Silence. Mommy lays there wide eyed and completely awake.

Finally around 1:00 am Mommy falls asleep. She wakes again at 2:00 am. Still no noise from anyone. Then she wakes at 3:15 am and listens. Nothing. She pokes Daddy to make sure he is alive. He rolls over, silently. 4:30 am Mommy wakes again. She gets up to go to the bathroom. She stands at the doors of both boys and listens. Nothing. Total and complete silence. She goes back to bed and lays there. Still listening to the nerve shattering silence. Has it come to this? Is she so used to the complete chaos and general ruckus that this kind of silence actually prevents her from sleeping.

Then, Ernie rolls over and starts having one of this whimpering-in-his-sleep dreams. Mommy hears his nails scratch on the hard wood floor as he rolls over. Well, at least the Dog is alive.

Mommy manages to sleep solid from 4:30 to 6:30 am, until Bean walks in.

Bean: "Mommy is it morning?"

Mommy: "Hmm. Mmmm. Yes, I guess it is. Do you want to come and get in with me and maybe we could sleep for another 30 minutes or so until Goobs gets up."

Bean: "No Mommy. I am awake. I feel very well rested."

At least someone is.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Smelly Mommy

Goobs has been sick for 4 days. Fever, chills, runny nose, cough. He hasn't been eating much, so Mommy has been giving him a little extra in his evening bottle (Mommy's last link to her baby).

On the first night after his evening bottle, he promptly projectile vomited the entire bottle up along with the blueberries Mommy managed to get him to eat for dinner. Unfortunately for Mommy, she happened to be holding Goobs at the time and so she was puked on as well. Later that evening, after everyone is finally settled, Daddy and Mommy are sitting on the couch watching TV. Daddy leans over to give Mommy a kiss.

Daddy: "Um, you kinda still smell like puke. Did you change your clothes?"

Mommy: (Slightly offended that her husband is telling her she smells) "Yes! I don't smell it. Is it in my hair? "
 
Daddy: "I don't know. Gross. How do you not smell that? I would have taken a shower or something."
 
Mommy just shrugs and goes back to watching TV. She figures it will all come out, wherever it is, during her evening shower.

On the second night, the same thing happens. Goobs loses his entire bottle. Mommy again is puked on. Not just a little puke, but a good soaking puke. Later that night she is downstairs at her computer.

Mommy: (Starts sniffing. She smells puke. She changed her clothes, washed her hands. She can't figure out where the smell is coming from. She turns to Daddy) "Do you smell like puke or is it me?"

Daddy: (Not wanting to say anything after the last night) "Um, I don't smell anything"

Mommy: "Hmmm. Maybe I just have puke on the brain."

Daddy: (Wisely remains slient)

The third night, Goobs pukes again. This time, he does it just as Mommy is putting him into his crib for bed. He manages to throw up all over himself, Mommy (including her socks and slippers) the crib, crib bedding and his wall. Mommy takes all her clothes off and puts them in a pile with everything else. She puts on fresh clothes and let's Daddy finish putting Goobs to bed while she goes in to put Bean to bed. She lays down on Beans bed to read him his stories.

Bean: (Starts smelling the air) "Mommy. What's that smell? I smell something stinky." (He starts sniffing at her.)

Mommy: (Not at all amused. She can handle her fair share of puke, but a full on puke soaking three nights in a row is a little much.) "It's me. I smell. I smell like throw up, OK. I'm Mommy and I smell like throw up because Goobs threw up on me."

Bean: "I think it smells stinky Mommy. I don't like how throw up smells. Change your clothes Mommy."

Mommy: "I did but the smell seems to be lingering. Do you want Daddy to read you your stories if I am too smelly for you."

Bean: "That's ok Mommy, I will just hold my nose, like this."

Bean pinches his nose shut and remains that way the entire time Mommy reads him his stories. So much for Mommy's self esteem.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Mommy's Top Ten

Daddy has been home on vacation for a week. The house is full and crazy messy from all the living that has taken place in it. The week started off with Mommy and Bean being sick and it has ended with Goobs being sick and running a fever and up all night. It's been a long, close week. All of this time together has gotten Mommy thinking about why it is she loves Daddy so very much. This blog is mostly about Bean and Goobs, but there wouldn't be any Bean and Goobs without Daddy and he is a main character in all of this. So, the first post of 2011 is dedicated to Daddy.

Top Ten Reasons Mommy Loves Daddy:

10. He willingly does all the laundry. Smarchy toddler underware and all.

9. He will search for an hour (an hour people!) for a lost green toy helicopter.

8. He does the dinner dishes while Mommy gets to sew, every night without fail.

7. When he finds an interesting looking rock on the ground, he puts it in his pocket. Just like he did when she met him at 18.

6. He still takes pictures of weird things like Nyquil tablets and dead bugs. Mommy will be going through pictures of the boys from her camera when she comes across pictures of a dead bird or a weird looking plant.

5. When Goobs is sick, Daddy is willing to sleep in the other room with him so Goobs's little, sick, stuffy head can be propped up. And, when Goobs wakes up in a fever dream haze and says "Dada, Dada" with a reassured tone in his voice because Daddy is laying right there next to him, it makes Mommy's heart melt because already little Goobs realizes how lucky he is to have a daddy like Daddy.

4. Daddy let's Mommy sleep in on mornings that he doesn't have to go to work and even gives everyone breakfast. All you other mothers out there know what a huge deal this is.

3. When Mommy suggests getting a new, flat screen TV for Daddy, he says "If we are going to spend the money, I think you would probably enjoy a new stove or sewing machine more than I would a new TV."

2. He always makes Mommy feel like she is capable of doing anything. For some reason he has complete faith in her abilities. Since Mommy doubts herself at least 20 times a day, this is significant.

1. He loves her. And it really is something to be loved by someone who choose you over everyone else.