Thursday, February 24, 2011

One Helper Too Many

This morning Mommy looked up at the ceiling fan in her kitchen and was a little disgusted by the amount of dust that had accumulated on it. Mommy decided that before they ran their errands, she would get the vacuum out and clean the fan.

Mommy: "OK, I need to vacuum in the kitchen. Bean, can you be a helper and just sit on the couch."

Mommy goes to the closet and gets out the vacuum. Ernie comes and stands at the closet door and begins to bark. Then, as the vacuum is emerging from the closet, he make and attempt to attack it. He manages to bite the hose.

Mommy: "Honestly Ernie, it isn't even on yet. Please. Back up."

Goobs: (Running over to the vacuum) "Vacuum. Vacuum. Mama Up."

Goobs then wraps himself around Mommy's leg. Ernie continues to bark at the vacuum.

Meanwhile, Bean has been putting on his fire fighter outfit, complete with helmet. He is now standing directly behind Mommy.

Bean: (Making motions as if he is directing traffic) "OK everyone, stand back. Break it up, break it up. Keep back. Danger."

Bean then proceeds to try and 'move' (push) Goobs out of the way. Ernie has now placed himself between Mommy's legs and is still barking and growling at the vacuum. The closet door is still open. Goobs has the brush attachment and is now making vacuum sounds and pretending to vacuum the dog.

Mommy: "Please! Could everyone please back up and go to the other side of the room. I just want to get the vacuum out for heavens sake. Can't I even get it out of the closet?!"

Bean: (Still directing traffic) "Back it up please. Please stand back. Danger." (He is now attempting to move the dog, who isn't having any of it.)

Goobs: (Tugging at Mommy's pants) "Mama, up. Mama uuuuuuuuuuuppppp!"

Ernie now grabs a firm hold on the base of the vacuum causing it to come crashing down on Mommy's foot.

Mommy sighs, looks at the ceiling fan in her kitchen again and turns it on. She figures she won't be able to see the dust on it anymore as it turns around.

What are your household task disasters? Please do tell. My house is a mess and I need some consoling.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Tilt-a-Mommy

Mommy, Bean and Goobs are at the Play museum. There is a carousel on the way out and it is tradition that as they leave they ride it. Today is no different.

The last time they were at the play museum, Daddy was with them and he introduced Bean and Goobs to the tilt-a-whirl seat on the carousel. You know, that one that you can spin around really, really fast while the carousel is already going around in circles.


Bean: "Mommy, I want to go on the twirly seat. Let's all sit there. Then we can sit together. Daddy showed it to us."

Mommy: "Um, can't we just do the up and down horsies. The round and round one isn't my favorite."

Bean: "Oh Mommy, please. I love it. Love it! Daddy does it."

Mommy: (Not to be outdone by Daddy) "Ok, I guess."

They get on the carousel and sit in the twirly seat. Bean is in the seat next to Mommy, Goobs is on Mommy's lap. The ride starts.


Bean: "Kay Mommy, turn the wheel so we go round and round."

Mommy turns the wheel. Round and round they go.

Goobs: "Wheeeeee. Ma Ma. Go Round."

Bean: "Haaa haa. Yeah Mommy!"

Mommy: "Uhhhhh, ugh."

Bean: "More twirling Mommy! Twirl us again."

Mommy: (Makes sure she has a good grip on Goobs and shuts her eyes, hoping that if she can't see everything going around, maybe she won't feel it.) "Oh man, I think I might lose my lunch."

Bean: "What does it mean when you say 'lose your lunch' Mommy?"

Mommy: (Still twirling and spinning) "It's another way of saying throw up. Sometimes when people go on rides like this, it makes their tummy's upset and they feel sick."

Bean: "Oh. Does your tummy feel sick Mommy?"

All this tummy talk makes Goobs feel the need to reach down and try to pull up his shirt to reveal his tummy. He isn't able to untuck his own shirt, so in order to get his belly fix, he pulls up Mommy's shirt...on the carousel...while they are all spinning around and around and around.

Mommy: (Still twirling and quickly grabbing at her shirt) "Um, Goobs, let's leave Mommy's shirt alone. (Thinking to herself 'dear God, won't this ride ever end.) "Yes, I do feel sick. Bean, promise me you will remember this moment, and when you are an adult and mad at me about something, please remember that I took you on this. Please remember how green my face looks and know that I did this just because I love you."

Bean: "OK Mommy. I will remember when I am 12."

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Bath

Friday night. Almost time for Daddy to come home. Bean, Goobs and Mommy are all in the family room reading stories, playing and quietly enjoying each others company. Everyone is fed and happy. Things are actually a little peaceful. Then they hear Daddy's car pull in the driveway.

Bean: (Screaming at the top of this lungs) "Daddy's Home! I hear Daddy! Quick Hide!"

Goobs: "Da Da. Ahh! Hide! (Screaming ensues)


Ernie: "Bark! Bark! Bark!

Needless to say, even though she is happy to see Daddy at the end of a day, this is one of her least favorite times of the day because the whole house becomes very, very loud.

Ernie: "Whine, Bark, Howl, Bark, Bark, Bark."


Bean and Goobs, along with Ernie, run up the stairs to hind under the covers on Mommy and Daddy's bed and surprise Daddy when he comes in to change his clothes. Bean hides under the covers, Goobs stands at the side of the bed screaming "hide" and Ernie jumps on the bed barking at Bean under the covers.

Daddy enters the room. It is dark, because Bean turned the lights off, but the noise leaves Daddy no doubt where everyone is.

Daddy: "Oh No! Where is my family? Where could everyone be?"

Bean and Goobs both yell surprise, and start running around the upstairs, screaming. They aren't screaming anything in particular. They are just screaming for screaming sake. Mommy doesn't usually allow this kind of behavior inside. But it is 6:25 pm by now and she only has to endure it for 5 more minutes before bath and bedtime starts. She has also laid down on the bed (big mistake) and she can't seem to pry herself up.


Daddy: "Should we be letting them run around like this screaming?"

Mommy: "Well, at least they are doing it together and not fighting. They are kinda playing together. I'm too tired. I'm sick of my voice today. I feel like I have been saying 'no!' and 'stop it!' all day. I'm sitting this one out. Your call."

Daddy: "Well, I'll go start the bath. By the time i get my clothes changed it will be time for bed anyway."

Daddy goes to start the bath and then comes back in to change his clothes. Mommy and Daddy are about 4 sentences into a conversation when Mommy realizes it's quiet.

Mommy: "Where are they?"

Daddy: (Goes rushing into the bathroom) "Um, Mommy. You might want to get the camera."

This can't be good.




















According to Bean, it was Goobs' idea and he only agreed to it after Goobs went in, shoes and all.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Privacy

Bean and Daddy are in the family room listening to a CD.

Bean: "Daddy, is music invisible?" (Bean has been obsessed with the idea of something being able to exist but not be visible.)

Daddy: Yes, you can hear music but you can't see it, so it's invisible."

Bean: (Thinking on this) "What about love Daddy?  Is love invisible?"

Daddy: "Yep, love is invisible, but we know it is there because we feel it, right?"


Bean: "Yes Daddy."

Mommy comes into the family room and hands Goobs to Daddy.

Mommy: "I need to use the bathroom. Can you hang onto Goobs for a second. He is being really clingy."

Daddy: "Sure"

Mommy goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. The bathroom is attached to the family room. Daddy puts down Goobs down and he runs straight to the bathroom door.

Goobs: "Mama! In! Mama! Goobs! In! Mama! Up!" (The wailing and crying continues while Goobs bangs on the bathroom door.)

Goob manages to get the door open and there is Mommy. Daddy and Bean are still in the family room and as soon as Bean sees the bathroom door open he runs in. The bathroom is very small. Daddy is sitting in the family room alone and Bean and Goobs are crowded in the bathroom with Mommy. Goobs is trying to climb on Mommy's lap and Bean is trying to climb on the sink so he can play with the water. Mommy glares at Daddy.


Daddy: "Hey Bean, do you know what else is invisible?"

Bean: "What Daddy?"

Daddy: "Mommy's Privacy."