Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mommy the Con

Mommy, Bean and Goobs are on their way to the pet store. Bean has been in a bad mood all day. A bad mood for Bean means that he starts the day off by screaming at Mommy telling her that she isn't cuddling the right way in bed in the morning, which only makes Mommy remove herself from said bed, which makes Bean scream more. The bad mood also includes Bean going on and on incessently about how nothing is fun, how he never gets to do anything he wants to, how he thinks that maybe he doesn't love Mommy as much as he loves Daddy and how he wants to put Goobs in the garbage can on trash day.

Mommy does her best to ignore Bean when he is in this kind of mood knowing that he usually acts like this when he is worried about something. Daddy has recently gotten a new job with the city and they have to move into the city limits. Mommy suspects that all of this "moving" talk and house hunting has made Bean feel a little nervous.

Bean has been complaingin all moning. Everything that Mommy has asked him to do is met with a "why" and blatant disobdience. Mommy has held it together pretty well all day. It is 4:00. Patience is wearing thin.

Mommy: "Buckle up please."

Bean: (Reaches for the belt attached to the seat in the car, not the belt that is for his child car seat. While doing this he gives Mommy the areyouwatchingme look.) "Why can't I use this seat belt yet. I want to do this one. Not the kids one."

 Mommy: "You have to buckle yourself with the child car seat. That is the safeset. Please buckle yourself up so we can go."

Bean: "Why? I don't want to. Why don't you let me do things I want to do? Why do I always have to do things that aren't fun? Why do I have to use this seat? You don't have to. How come I can't sit in the front with you?"

Mommy: (Not feeling so patient anymore) "Please buckle your seat belt. I'm not going to ask you again. Buckle up or I'm taking away your detective badge (favorite toy of the day).

Bean: "But Mommy. I'm asking you a question. Why do I have to sit in this seat? You should answer me when I ask a question."

Mommy: "You want an answer? The answer is because if you don't sit in that seat the police will pull me over and arrest me and put me in jail. I will go to jail. Do you want me to go to jail?

Bean: "Would I be able to visit you?"

Mommy: (Thinks about this long and hard. She is very aware that Bean, being the little worry wart that he is, might be slightly traumatized at the idea of his mother going to jail. Mommy is also very annoyed at this moment) "No, you wouldn't be able to visit me. They have a jail for Mommy's and they don't let the kids come visit. Now buckle up or I will have to go there."

That was three days ago and Bean hasn't asked why he needs to buckle up since.


  1. that is awesome!
    i have to remember that one.

  2. oh my gosh! we need to get our two crabby patties together- lily has been acting THE SAME WAY!! i fear my responses to her are not as witty as yours though ;).