Sunday, February 5, 2012

The Pains of Motherhood

It's Friday. Mommy is feeling especially capable today and decided that not only is she going to take both children to the grocery store, but she is going to stop at the library to pick up a book she has on hold and return a few items. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes and Mommy is very confident in herself as a mother and her children, who were perfect angels at the grocery store and most certainly be at the library as well.

They are at the library check out counter. Bean has been a little antsy but has for the most part stayed still. Goobs is walking around Mommy in circles muttering to himself. Mommy is just finishing up and is getting her library card from the the librarian when Goobs takes off. Running. Full speed.

Goobs: (Screaming at the top of this lungs) I'm running Mommy! I'm Running! Run! Run! Run!

He dashes behind a book case. Bean takes off after him.

Bean: (Also screaming at the top of this lungs) "Goobs is on the rampage. Look out everyone. Goobs is on the rampage. Ahhhhh!"

Clearly they are having great fun. Hilarious.

Everyone is watching Mommy as if to say "how could you take such monsters in public". The 4 librarians, the 8 other people waiting in line and the tables full of computer users all within view of the front desk. Mommy takes off in a mad dash to grab the spirited Goobs. As she is taking off, she trips, twists her ankle and falls flat on her face. Right there in front of everyone who are still glaring because while Mommy is laying on the floor of the library in obvious pain, her children are still running through the library screaming "Run" and "Goobs is on the rampage."

Mommy: (In a voice that is NOT appropriate for the library, but at this point does it really matter,) "Bean! Get over here right now!"

Bean: (Bean knows the tone and comes over to Mommy) "Why are you sitting on the floor Mommy?"

Mommy: (Reminds herself that there are at least 20 people watching her at the moment, and even though every single one of those 20 spectators thinks each child deserves to be laying on the floor there along side their mother, she can't and won't beat them. No matter how badly she wants to. No matter how badly her ankle hurts. No matter how close she is to tears. No matter how completely and utterly humiliated she is. She calmly and quietly replies) "I fell. Now go get your brother and get over here."

Goobs comes over and looks at Mommy. He knows. He knows by the look on Mommy's face and he is starting to look a little remorseful.

Mommy gets up off the floor.  Picks up her purse and all the things that have fallen out of it, grabs Bean's hand, grabs Goobs' hand and with her head held high, walks past the 20+ people who have just witnessed Mommy's worst day of motherhood.

Bean: "Mommy. I know you are mad about something. I'm not sure what it is but I just want you to know it isn't my fault. I was being good. Right?  I was being good right? Wasn't I being good?"

Goobs: (Screaming and crying) "I want to run Mommy! No I don't want to leave I want to run!"

Somehow neither child understands that Mommy just suffered a physical injury from being a mother to these two children. She prepared herself for the mental sacrifices, but a busted ankle is just a little over the top, even for this mother.

Mommy gets Mayhem and Destruction buckled into their seats. She opens her door, sits in her seat and lets the flood gates open. 15 minutes, two very puffy eyes and an ankle that has swollen to three times it's normal size later, they are on their way home from their outing which Mommy was so certain was going to be smooth, easy and drama free.

This is Mommy's ankle.

A these are the two little angles that did it.


  1. Are you ok?! That looks painful!! You were so good to hold it together in the library and not get too mad at the kids. I have been in "mean mommy" mode lately and now my kids are parrotting what I say, "That's not even funny Mommy!" or "I don't want to hear you talking right now". My patience is wearing thin and I don't have a swollen ankle! Feel better!

  2. Oh how I have missed reading these! Hope your ankle is getting better! YIKES!! I feel like you need some sort of heavy medal montage playing while people read this post. I think it's fitting given Bean and Goob's nicknames ;). Motherhood- ain't it 'da best?!